as I looked I felt tears
forming right behind my eyes
wanting to come out
just waiting

I made a decision not to write about me
I decided not to let anyone know
but God intervened
so gently

how can I “not” write what’s in my heart
wouldn’t anything else be fiction

don’t give me a Scripture
and pat my back
don’t tell me God’s plans are good
I know

but what about those moments
of waking in tears
having tried so hard
to gain nothing

when David poured out his heart
was he lacking faith?
or maybe feeling emotion
of what he was going through

i don’t know

having faith
some times easier than others
for a husband
yeah, whatever – he’s somewhere
as a parent
you can always right a wrong
with your friends
sometimes seasons change
with confidence
it grows as you learn

but when it comes to money
faith alone
doesn’t pay the rent
won’t keep the lights on
can’t cover registration
etc

faith is used to get there
but along the way
is it okay to cry?

if it’s not
Lord forgive me for every tear

I KNOW I’m secure
I KNOW it’ll be okay
I KNOW orders will come
because
I KNOW I’m in God’s will
and haven’t stepped out

this isn’t a concern for counseling
or backsliding
it’s merely an expression
of the tears
running down my cheeks
forming streams of moisture