Life Transformations

Kneeling

| Laura Lee Bonde

Yesterday, the neatest things happened. (I love how the “neatest things” happen daily. It makes the morning so exciting.) It all started on the way to work in my prayer time.

In the early morning, I heard a pastor sharing about his amazing time with God in his bedroom with the door closed, kneeling, laying before Jesus…just a sweet time. The first reaction in my heart was ‘I wish I had my own room.’ (I share a room with my kids.) Anyway, I continued on with my morning and left for work.

As I was driving down the road, listening to worship, I began praying. I was thanking God for the cross…all that was accomplished. All of a sudden, my knees began burning with this cooling sensation, like Icy Hot. It was amazing! Immediately, I KNEW it was God, so I shut off the CD, turned off my ear piece, tossed my phone and started thanking Him, and I asked Him what it was for. He explained.

God revealed to me that kneeling isn’t the position of your body; it’s the position of your heart, and the way I was communing with Him at that moment was the expression of the kneeling of my heart. I was undone. He told me more, but those things are private…just between me and Him. (By the way, the burning in my knees last two hours!)

I was just enjoying His Presence, arrived near work, parked, and started walking. I was having the best time with Him. As I was walking down the sidewalk, I made eye contact with a homeless man named Rick.

At first, he was hesitant to reveal his name, but after I told him mine, he softened. He extended his hand as if to shake mine and stopped. He said he didn’t want to get my germs and didn’t want to give me his, so we fist pounded. [Will I ever feel comfortable doing that?]

He went on to tell me that he didn’t want to get sick, that he had enough problems with arthritis and COPD. I said, “Hey, God loves you and wants to get rid of that. Can I pray for you?” He started crying. He said, “Forget that. Pray for the alcohol to leave.” I melted, literally. I knelt at his feet and listened. He poured out his heart, the oppression, the strong hold he was trapped in. I just listened.

Right then, a resident came down the stairs to leave and said hi to Rick. Rick called him by name and said hi back. (He must’ve been a regular on those steps.) Rick was telling him what was going on and how I was praying for him, and he said something funny, which made me laugh. He said, “But I don’t like her laugh though.” It was hilarious. I told him my laugh is like tequila: you either love it or hate it. He smiled.

As I was praying, he was weeping. It was an amazing encounter with God. We said good-bye, and I went on to work. As I was walking with God, it dawned on me: I just got to “kneel” at his feet. It was just a cool realization of kneeling in my heart and kneeling on the ground. God is so good!

I love it when I’m able to “feel” God’s touch, and I’m glad I don’t “need” that to know He’s there. I don’t “need” a room with the door closed. I need an open heart with eyes ready to see all that God wants to do. No one can take away what I have with Him. Actually, even the loneliness has gone away. I’m taken. I’m loved. I’m favored. I’m used. Hallelujah!

God’s Play Date: 1/10/15

| Laura Lee Bonde

Lately, it seems like I’ve been attempting to make my own plans without checking with God, but it doesn’t look like I ever have to worry because God will move things around to get me right where He wants me to be. If I’m walking with Him closely every day, everywhere is a good place to be. On Saturday, my place was at the dump.God’s Play Date: 1/10/15

Lately, it seems like I’ve been attempting to make my own plans without checking with God, but it doesn’t look like I ever have to worry because God will move things around to get me right where He wants me to be. If I’m walking with Him closely every day, everywhere is a good place to be. On Saturday, my place was at the dump.

At first, I wasn’t going to go. I had tentative plans to do something else, which would’ve brought God glory, but it would’ve been some place else. At the last minute, those plans were changed, so I said, “Yes” to going to the dump. What a blessing!

At the dump, there were so many kids who wanted to play. I was helping out the team that was putting together a play-set, and before anything was bolted down, the kids started playing. They couldn’t even control themselves, nor did they want to. That’s how I want to be with God’s love: uncontrollable.

This one little girl grew attached to me. I would tell you her name, but I forgot to ask. In Spanish, she would ask me to play. In English, I would play with her. It was that simple, that pure…so much fun. She would get on the monkey bars (I think that’s what they’re called), but she wasn’t big enough to carry herself across, so I would hold onto her legs and walk under her until she reached the other side. She wanted to do this over and over again. She was so happy.

10614229_10203789417195502_4497315076419453854_n (2)Then, she pulled me along to go down the slide with her. She was so precious, was having so much fun. Near the end, she saw the basketball hoop and the basketball. She wanted to make a basket so badly, so I would lift her up and hold her there while she threw the ball up. We must’ve attempted this like ten times. She never made a basket because I just couldn’t lift her high enough, but it didn’t matter. We both laughed together so much. Laughter breaks down barriers, demolishes walls, reveals strongholds. Laughter can speak louder than words.

I’m so glad I went to the dump, but more than that, I’m so glad that my heart is usable by God. His love for this little girl was so strong that He had me there to play with her. We were each there for a specific reason. I hope each person received a revelation of God’s love for them and for those they served. He’s so amazing! I’m just excited to live!!

Laugh Out Loud

| Laura Lee Bonde

Tonight, I went to the movie theater with Carolyn because I had two free tickets to use. We went to see “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay.” The previews were hilarious…a little too funny.

If you know me, I have a rather loud laugh. Well, unannounced, it comes out of my mouth, and there were a lot of funny scenes in these previews, so I was laughing a lot. There are times where I’ve learned to hold it back, but a movie theater isn’t one of those times I feel it’s needed, so if something’s found funny to me, I laugh. It’s just the way it works.

There was a scene that was SO funny that this loud laugh came out of me…uncontrollable, and these two women sitting one row below us and about four seats over leaned way forward, gave me the dirtiest looks, and said, “Are you serious?!!” They were SO rude about it and made us feel so uncomfortable that my daughter and I got up to leave. There was no way I could sit there and not laugh, and I certainly didn’t want to get into a fight, so we left.

I went to the front, explained the situation, and asked for two free tickets for another time. With no questions asked, they gave them to me. As we walked outside, I began to cry because…well, just because, but then, I pictured the scene on the movie screen that had made me laugh, and I started busting up, laughing. Carolyn was so confused. She didn’t know what was going on.

When I could speak through the laughter, I told her, “All I keep picturing is that scene with the gun,” and she started laughing hysterically. The beautiful part of all this is that, before the movie, Carolyn had been grumpy, yet because of all this, we ended up laughing all the way home. We bonded so closely. We still want to see that movie. We just want the freedom to laugh during it. I love God, and I love the laugh He gave me, and I pray those ladies learn to love laughter someday.

The Joy of the Lord

| Laura Lee Bonde

On Wednesday, a woman asked if I’d be willing to pray for a young man who wanted to get off heroine. Of course I was willing, so yesterday, the three of us went walking in the park, and God did some amazing things (of course), and it all started with a little joy.

As I was getting ready for work, I had an outfit planned out, and at the last moment, God informed me of wearing something totally different, so I did. I wore jeans, a green plaid shirt, and a white tank-top. That doesn’t “seem” important, but it is. I don’t “normally” dress like that. It was something I wore once to a country-western thing, but God knew what He was doing.

At lunchtime, I was on the street, looking for my friends (not knowing what the vehicle looked like). I spotted a young man who was sitting in the passenger seat who glanced my way, so I knew it was him and started walking toward the van. He got out with really no expression on his face. As my friend walked around from the other side of the van, I saw what she was wearing: jeans, a red plaid shirt, and a white tank-top. I laughed so loud (and if you know me, you KNOW my laugh was LOUD). And guess what my laugh did…put a smile on the young man’s face.

Not only did it put a smile on his face but out came a giggle. God is so creative!! His love for this young man was so strong that He changed my outfit to have me match my friend, “knowing” that it would crack me up and bring a smile to his face, so our meeting started out with an overflow of Joy. How amazing is that!

God is amazing! His truth demolishes heroine’s assignment. His love covers all sin. He holds no record. We all have a created value. It’s just about learning it, believing it, and knowing it. When THAT created value becomes our identity, THAT’s what scares the devil; he’s freaked out that we will someday KNOW who we are and what we’re here to do. Well, for me, that day has come. Yay, God!

 

Relationships “can” Bring God Glory

| Laura Lee Bonde

Lately, God’s been showing me A LOT about relationships. Even this morning, I woke up in mid conversation with Him about people’s value and having them know it. It was such a comforting way to wake up that I fell right back to sleep in His Arms. The second time I woke up, I felt SO rested. It was insane!

I used to live my life a very different way…very different, and my idea of a relationship was absolutely bonkers. I won’t go into that twisted view. I’ll just share what relationships mean to me now.

Relationships grow through intimacy. I’ve recently learned what intimacy “really” means. When you learn depths of someone’s heart, that’s intimacy, so it’s really each individual’s choice of whether they want to let you in or not. I like letting people into my heart because there’s so much freedom in that, and as a result, many good relationships are being built.

I’ve learned to hang out with people who like me. I won’t be liked by everybody, and I’m done with trying to force my way in and waiting on God to “change” that other person. That never works out well. I’ve learned that the hard way. But when you’re friends with one another, lay your life down, encourage one another…that makes God smile.

God wants that intimacy too. There are things that I’ve learned from my time alone with God that I’ve tried in friendships that worked amazingly well, and there are things I’ve learned in my relationships with friends that I’ve tried in my alone time with God that worked amazingly well. He’s so personal, so loving. He wants us loved by one another in a good, healthy way.

My relationship with Him has never been stronger. Because of this, I will NOT let anyone close to me that may hurt me. God has taught me my created value, my worth, my beauty, and now, I get to teach others. I love lifting others up (like He has lifted me).

Our Game Nights

| Laura Lee Bonde

When I post about me and the kids having “Game Nights,” you have no idea how much fun they are, and it would be hard to describe each night in words because it’s just something where you really do need to “be there.” I’ll do my best to take you there now.

We sit around a table, so everyone’s face if visible. So much laughter may be found in facial expressions, in body movements, in hand gestures. It’s hilarious, but then, you add voices to that, and the laughter is unstoppable! But it wasn’t always like that.

For years, we’ve been having game nights. It all started when I would open my home to friends from Rock Recovery. We used to hang out at Denny’s, Miniature Golf, etc, but I missed my kids, so I decided to take our hang outs to my home. I learned so much.

The kids and I started having our own game nights. With the kids, there used to be arguing, bad attitudes, etc. Even though we encountered “moods,” we never stopped having them. Right now, the kids are the happiest they have ever been. Before a game night ends, we talk about having our next one.

141227_0002 (1)In this particular picture, we were playing Uno Dare. That’s where you either “draw two” or take the “dare”…hilarious. In this turn, Carolyn had to walk around the table with a card between her knees without letting it fall. It was so funny. She almost peed her pants. After she sat down, Kyle told her, “Oh, I added that part about it not being able to hit the ground. You could’ve let it fall.” Oh my gosh, we laughed so hard!

The other day, I picked up Katie from Sprouts and was headed to drop her off at the Thai place, where she holds a second job. She was telling me about a conversation she had with a coworker from Sprouts. She was telling him about our game nights and told the employee that it’s through those game nights where she has learned to love. Isn’t that amazing!!

God uses our “Game Night” to teach the kids (and me) lessons. He’s taught Katie how to love. Isn’t that beautiful!! My birthday is this month, and I’ve been thinking about just leaving my front door open for a day, and if anyone would like to come by and join us in a game, they could come by and say, “Hi!” I guess I will share my amazing kids for ONE day.

Our Christmas Morning Family Picture

| Laura Lee Bonde

Christmas morning was so amazing that I wanted to capture the moment “as we were,” which included no teeth.

Christmas Morning of 2014
Christmas Morning of 2014

I posted this on Facebook and had no idea of how it would affect me. Well, now, I know.

Evidently, I have found my identity in the way I “look,” instead of who I am in the Cross, so as I post this picture on this website, I’m letting go of my physical identity and grabbing hold of every truth of Jesus.

Jehovah Jireh

| Laura Lee Bonde

Every year, my ex-husband helps me out financially to buy the kids gifts (and pay bills). This year, I had the feeling I spent a little extra. See, I don’t balance a checkbook because there isn’t much to balance. I don’t have any debt. I don’t have any credit cards. I own my car, so all of my income goes for the general bills, rent, food, gas, and what I bring in is less than what I pay out. That’s why I make and sell worship flags.

…back to overspending. The first is just around the corner, so I should’ve really been checking my bank account balance, but you know…sometimes it’s easier NOT to look. When I look, fear seems to creep in. When I don’t look, trust keeps a hold of me, so I hadn’t looked. Here was my plan: I’ll look AFTER the dump; that way, whatever money I had would seem like a fortune. Well, I decided not to look.

On Friday, I came home to give Katie a ride to work. As she sat down to drive, I asked, “Did the mail come?” She said, “Yeah.” I asked, “Was there a check?” She said, “No. Were you expecting one?” I said, “No. I NEED one though.” …no comment.

Yesterday, Katie brings the mail up, hands me an envelope, and says, “Maybe it’s your check.” I opened it, and guess what was inside? …A CHECK FOR $300!! It was a gift from a woman in Florida whom I had eaten breakfast with earlier in the year. I’ve only met her once, but we’ve kept in contact. This was the second time her and her husband had sent me money in response to God’s beckoning: Jehovah Jireh!

Do you know what the neatest part is? Now, the kids expect it. I love that they are growing up seeing God provide for us over and over again. Now, we’ll have enough for rent, and I just ordered more material to make more flags. God is so amazing! Jesus is so personal! Holy Ghost is always listening! Yay, God!

Paralyzing Love

| Laura Lee Bonde

Have you ever been paralyzed by fear? On Christmas Eve, I found myself paralyzed by love.

As most of you know, throughout the years, God has been restoring a beautiful bond between me and my kids. This year, there has been an acceleration. One very important holiday to my kids is Christmas, especially Christmas Eve.

When Katie, my twenty-two year old, heard me talking about taking Christmas to the people of the dump in Mexico, she said (in anger), “We’ll just have Christmas Eve without you!” I said, “Katie, I’ll be back in time for us to be together in the evening.” That seemed to diffuse the bomb, so it was VERY important for me to get back in time.

It’s not that we DO anything special. We’re just together, so I was needing to be back in the evening, the earlier the better. And this is the best part: we all go to sleep at the same time in the same room. We fall asleep giggling, talking, laughing, planning out our morning, etc. And we all wake up in the same way: talking, giggling, laughing…it’s the earliest my kids EVER wake up together. We walk out into the living room together. We’re just “together.”

So, I “thought” I trusted God and headed to Mexico. The plan was to leave the dump at 3:30 pm. Well, the plan changed. The Tecate border wouldn’t let our bus pass through. The Otay border wouldn’t let our bus pass through. Each time took hours because once we heard we couldn’t get through, we had to turn around and go through customs to enter back into America. The third border, San Ysidro, let us through. This was a great joy to everyone but me.

By this time, it was 2 pm. We would barely make it to the dump by 3 pm, so our 3:30 departure was out of the question. Now, it was a play-it-by-ear schedule. I had a decision to make: I would either cross the border on foot back into America, grab the trolley, and make it back to my kids, or I would board the bus and head to the dump. I was literally standing at the ramp. All of me wanted to turn around and be love for my kids, and all of me wanted to journey forward and be love to the lost. I wept. I was, without a doubt, paralyzed by love.

Janel grabbed hold of me and began to pray. She promised to get me back to the border. She wanted me to go forward to the dump. As she prayed, I wept. Just remembering it is bringing me to tears. I made a choice and stepped onto the bus.

God had a plan, and I was in it. I enjoyed serving Him at the dump and made it back in time for my kids. That night, we all went to bed at the same time in the same room and talked, giggled, laughed. Even Nathan said, “I wish we could talk all night.” It was so precious. I love these moments because they remind me that there isn’t any room for a man in my life. The coolest part is that we all woke up at the same time but were all lying there because we didn’t know if the others were awake. Then, Kyle spoke…then Katie…then Nathan…then me…and then Carolyn.

I love my God. I love my kids. I love my life. I love my story. I love that God is holding the pen and doesn’t have any reason to set it down. I am yielded to Him. At times, I experience loneliness, but I have my prayer warriors who lift me out of that.