“Thanksgiving”

there’s so much to be grateful for
I just don’t know where to begin

I’m grateful for knowing God
not in a surface way
but in a deep, profound way

I’m grateful for my beautiful kids
how they make decisions
apart from codependency

I’m grateful for my wonderful job
that feels like a way of life
except that I clock in and out

I’m grateful for this home
the imperfections
and the perfectness

I’m grateful for my mind
that it’s set in the right direction
and thinks soundly

I’m grateful for my Raiders car
that after 253,000 miles
it’s still going strong

I’m grateful for each moment of the day
how it happens right on time
but unexpectedly

I’m grateful for emotions
and that I’m not judged by them
or for having them

I’m grateful for transparency
that I no longer have to hide within myself
or lie to make me greater

I’m grateful for a lot of things
but most of all for God
because He’s made me complete

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Telescopes

When I look at my past, I think, “No wonder I was where I was at; I didn’t know my value,” and when I look at my present, I think, “No wonder I’m where I’m at because I KNOW my value!”

Sexual Misconduct

With everything going on in the news, it’s made me wonder: why haven’t “I” ever come forward with the names of those who hurt me?

The only reason I’ve come up with is that it’s because I’ve been healed from everything, but still, many things happened…many.

Like the time I was sixteen, when the manager at Burger King told me to sleep with him or I’d be out of a job, I lost my job.

Or when shortly after that, a forty year old man seduced me for months…I didn’t know any better. If you aren’t raised right, chances are, you’re not going to choose right. Anyway, there’s more. Continue reading

“False Evidence Appearing Real”

what have I become?
I’ve become more of who I am

there’re still some words inside
holding back from coming out
and it makes me wonder

why?
who am I protecting?
who am I afraid of?

if God is for me
who can be against me?

at times…many

but in reality
as much as people have the right to bully online
I have the right to speak my mind
whether you like it or not

but still
if I can’t take the heat
there’s always the delete button

“Halloween”

fear is such a bully
who thrives
on keeping one locked up

silent
doubting
wondering
what should’ve been done
what could’ve been done
how you’ve failed

but it’s only an illusion

fear threatens
and suffocates
and ages one
without them knowing

fear has a tall shadow
but a tiny image
it can look like light
and sound like sanity

it wears its costume
well

but when exposed
it disintegrates
into nothingness

Death of Friends

You know, because of my consistency of not writing on here, I’m not even sure anyone knows about my friends who passed away.

Rob Johnson, who was my best friend here in Harlingen, overdosed on Heroin in May and passed away in June. He never regained consciousness. He was thirty-three.

And Lee, my beautiful homeless friend who didn’t die homeless, died of unknown reasons in early October. They haven’t found his family yet, and if they don’t, they’ll let me claim him and send me his ashes.

Both of them knew how much I loved them. I’m so happy for that!

“The After Life”

those who pass away
live on in your heart
and cross your mind
every day

when I make coffee
I think about Lee
when I snap my fingers
I think about Rob
when I iron
I think about Lee
when I see the bay
I think about Rob

multiple times
every day
they cross my mind
as if they’re walking around up there