“Never Runs Dry”

the sound of a river
do you hear it?

trickling through
sometimes rushing
always moving

now imagine that river
coming straight from heaven
through your spirit

that’s what it’s like
knowing Jesus

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“Never from Nowhere”

there’s always a reason behind my writing
it’s my heart’s reaction to what’s happened
or what’s happening
sometimes I’ll lie and say it’s someone else
but in reality
it’s just me
and most likely
the lie is to protect someone else
and in protecting someone else
I may be left hurt
but that’s where I grow
and not let things control me
not let circumstances dictate my health
not let someone else’s issues stifle my laugh
but there’s always a reason behind my writing
and there’s always a smile
waiting to shine

My Son Turned 14 on 4/17/2017!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Nathan!! I know you won’t see this, but my heart doesn’t care, so I’m posting it anyway.

I’m so proud of you and miss you immensely!
There’re times when I think you’ve made the smartest decision out of all of us.
There’re times when I wonder how life will go on.
There’re times when I rage inside because you’re growing up without me.
There’re times when I rage inside because I’m growing up without you.
My bones miss your laughter.
My muscles miss your hugs.
My heart misses your smile.
But even though we’re far apart, you still turned 14!!
And even though we’re far apart, I’m still breathing.
I love you!

[Photo credit: Kyle, from the movie theater on 4/16/17]

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“Another Holiday”

Happy Easter, Everyone!!
4/16/17

Easter
a day I thought I’d be a mess
without my boys
but last week
something changed
I realized there’s someOne
so much more important
than my kids
and that One is God

and when I focus on Him
my emotions don’t go crazy
when I focus on Him
my circumstances seem small
when I focus on Him
I see He’s the same

no matter where my kids live
no matter how my marriage’s going
no matter what’s going on
no matter who’s in front of me
no matter when life takes a turn
He stays the same

and when I focus on Him
my purpose is steadfast

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“The Power of One”

alone: all one
alone with God: all one with God

but there are other types of alone

like being alone in a relationship
like being alone at a movie
like being alone in Texas

when I moved from everything I knew
and everyone I’d known
I thought it wouldn’t affect me
but almost immediately
it did

moving from everything
to almost nothing

it took its toll on me
on my emotional stability
on my spiritual identity
and I was alone

yes I made friends along the way
but none believe what I do
and yes I was never alone
but in some ways I was

but being alone to walk through things
was empowering

to know that nothing is impossible for me

sometimes
you have to walk alone
sometimes
its better to walk alone
sometimes
it’s about being all one

please don’t be offended
this is simply my poem

I know so many pray and think good thoughts
but I’m talking about the times when I couldn’t breathe
the times my face swelled up from crying
the long drive back from dropping off Nathan
and many more

alone
finding power in the only Source I know
finding comfort in the only Blanket I know
finding peace in the only Man I know
alone

trust me
nothing is impossible for me
I’m invincible
because I live in victory

even when darkness closed in around me
my path was always lit

The Black Thread

What are some voices of depression?

“Don’t take a shower!”
“Nobody cares about you!”
“It’s never going to work!”
“You can’t do it!”
…etc.

And most of the time, when I hear people open up about having depression, they “own” it, as if it was a part of them: MY depression this; MY depression that. To me, it’s darkness taking over; it’s becoming intertwined with who you are, but that’s all an illusion.

I’m not speaking from speculation.
I’m speaking from experience.

When I order my silk, there are some parts where there’s a little black thread, which I’m sure was used to mark the yardage. Anyway, when you have white silk with a black string of thread, it’s pretty noticeable, and as long as I leave it there, it stays, but when I pull the end of the thread, it comes out.

Depression is like that black thread. Maybe all it takes is someone pulling it out. Just like that black thread wasn’t part of the white silk, depression isn’t part of who you are.

If you can’t find the thread, find someone who can help you.
I’m telling you: YOU DO NOT HAVE TO LIVE WITH DEPRESSION!

It’s never about fighting the lies; it’s simply about believing the truth.