RECOVERY JOKES!!

[Last night, I shared about when I was an alcoholic, was using meth, and was selling my body. Then, I told THIS joke!]

There’s an alcoholic, a meth user, and a prostitute in the car. Who’s driving?
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The Police!



A group of drinking buddies went deer hunting. They split up into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter came staggering back to camp alone, half-bombed and dragging an eight-point buck.

The others said, “Where’s Harry?”

“Oh, he passed out, a couple miles back up the trail.”

“What? You left Harry lying out there alone and carried the deer back?”

“A tough call,” admitted the marksman, “but I figured, who’s gonna steal Harry?”



An old-timer comes home from his home group meeting, gets ready for bed, and is on his knees saying his evening prayers.

He’s in the middle of his “God blesses” saying “God bless the guy who says the same thing no matter what the topic, God bless George, God bless the ‘cake lady,’ God bless . . . ” suddenly he pauses and looks up.

Then says, “You know God. I wonder if there is AA in heaven. If there isn’t AA in heaven, I don’t know if I want to go there. These folks are so important to me, I don’t want to spend eternity without them.”

There’s a bolt of lightening and a loud clap of thunder and then the old timer hears a voice saying, “I have good news and bad news.
The good news is, there IS AA in heaven.
The bad news is, “You’re speaking tomorrow night.”



Why aren’t people in recovery good dancers?
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They lose interest after twelve steps.



“Alcohol Warnings”

Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you’re whispering when you’re not.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.



[Okay, this one will (probably) only make sense to those who’ve read the big book. Trust me: it’s HILARIOUS!!]

A girl working with her sponsor asked “Where can I read about my sex problems?”

Sponsor said, “That’s covered on page 69.”

Later at home, the page number got jumbled. As she tried to remember, she turned to page 96 for her sex problems.

“Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you.”



 

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Drum-roll, Please!!

It figures: I finally want to write, and it’s about something that requires anonymity, so I’ll be vague with as much detail as I can.

Last fall (sometime), there was a planning meeting for a big event that’d be going on on South Padre Island. Well, during that meeting, I committed to being the Entertainment Chair for the event. At that moment, I had all hope, but a couple months later, that hope dwindled. Continue reading

“Anchored”

[written at 6:39pm on 1/24/17]

deep inside
I know who I am

how am I to let you in
when I want out?

who I appear to be
rages around me
but deep down
below the storm
I am anchored

but there is a way
to quiet the storm
and let my Light
shine through
while I’m anchored

“Grab a Shovel”

some people wonder where I am
inside
because I’ve been hidden away
in silence
here’s an honest poem
to let you in

when I see my reflection
it’s hard to see my beauty
and it seems every day
I’m disgusted with my weight

sometimes
I cry on the outside
but more often than not
I cry inside

I’m in that transition where
nothing seems right
but everything seems
how it should be

it’s easier to stay hidden
than expose how I am
so I smile for the camera
and cringe

my stubbornness looks
for the answers alone
because with Him
nothing has power to affect

but as you can tell
I may need some help
but only from friends
who don’t judge

the power to overcome
lives inside of me
but somehow (at times)
it seems buried

“Without a Friend”

So, this morning, I wrote this poem, and right after, I updated my website (which was WAY overdue). Honestly, I think writing (and posting) this poem on FB broke through the chains that were holding back my fingers from the keyboard.

The only fear that exists is the one I agree with.

“Without a Friend”

where is it?
where did it go…
the writing?

how could a passion just
disappear
is darkness really that strong
I KNOW it’s not

so where did it go?
where is it…
the writing?

Yesterday was my birthday!

January 21, 2017

My first birthday without my boys.

My last birthday with Katie and Ariel.

Every day should be treated as a first and last because you never know if tomorrow will come.

I posted many pictures in an album on Facebook that you can access here, if you care to see, but there are some pictures that didn’t make it there.

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These are the flowers from my son. Every year, I wake up to them, and realizing I wouldn’t have them broke my heart, but he must’ve known that because he contacted Katie to have them bought for me, so when the girls and I arrived home from the sunrise, there they were.

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And this is my homemade carrot cake from Katie. It was the most amazing carrot cake I’ve ever eaten, and I just turned 45, so that’s a lot of carrot cake years to compare it to. It was DELISH!!

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And my candles…the red one’s for Kyle. The rest were Raider black and silver!! #raidernation

“The World is My Journal”

[written 1/20/17]

may the ground be the paper
and my feet be the pen
while my heart strokes the words
that write my story

every one has their story
personal
rich
unique

not to be copied
not to be plagiarized
not to be criticized

the road is narrow
but wide enough for friends
to experience this story with me
as you write your own