Month: August 2017
“Tiny Traveler”
sometimes I wish you could be inside me
inside my thoughts of all that He’s done
inside my tears as they well up
thankful
grateful
it’s more than going to church or reading His word
it’s understanding
it’s becoming
it’s living out loud where no voice is needed
it’s listening without judging
it’s loving without wanting
it’s speaking without yelling
if you could be inside me in moments like these
maybe you’d understand the way that I am
and who I want to be
Celebrating Recovery
Yesterday, after my swim, I went up to the lifeguards to tell them I’d been sober twelve years. They were so excited for me!! It left me wondering: do others do that?
I’ve never been ashamed of my recovery. Actually, it’s the exact opposite: I’m very proud of being sober, having worked the steps through alcoholics anonymous, having gone even deeper with God in His word…very proud, indeed!
I never had hope of even being able to go ONE DAY without alcohol. Actually, there’s a funny story about that.
When I first started going to church in 2004, they had a women’s retreat, which I was invited to attend, so I did but was deathly afraid of how I’d be able to sleep without drinking, so you know what I did? I took Benadryl with me, so I could knock myself out at night, but to my surprise, I never used it. I was stunned! But it didn’t stop me from drinking as soon as I got back, and it took me another year and a half before I finally listened to God about going to AA.
Man, you wanna talk about a prison! It was a horrible way to live! I would leave bible studies paranoid because I thought they’d follow me to the liquor store and catch me buying booze. I was ALWAYS looking over my shoulder.
If you, by chance, are reading this post and have a problem with anything, please message me or something, so I can pray for you. You DON’T have to be alone EVER AGAIN!
Sobriety
Yesterday, I was surprised that I never got around to writing about my sobriety, but then again, I wasn’t that surprised at all.
You see, there’s been a fear in me about writing: who can know; things aren’t perfect; how can I be honest without drowning others; how can I be transparent without exposing…the list of fears goes on and on, and that list has kept me from writing, but that’s letting fear control me, which isn’t who I am at all.
The moment I stepped into God, Continue reading
“Kneeling Inside”
wondering
where your life’s going
thinking
where life’s been
sometimes…overwhelming
but if I take each moment as
now
it’s much easier to breathe
now…
my coffee
my laptop
my heart
now…
recovery
exercise
my girls
now…
distance
football
my boys
now…
an ending
a beginning
a moment in time
time…
a life worth living
a living worth experiencing
an experience worth loving
each moment
spent with God
each breath
shared with Jesus
each thought
known by Him
living where I am
is my now
“The Picnic Table”
last night
I had a dream
one on One
with God
He talked to me
about writing
and what it does
for people
He told me the benefits
of writing for others
and the difference
of only writing to Him
He finally asked me
“what’re you gonna DO about it?”
I woke up
wanting to write
I will never
forget this dream
especially since
I’m writing it down
He sees
what not writing does to me
and I see
how much He cares
I’m 12 years sober!!
Running Man
Since being sick earlier this week, I missed two days of running, so this morning, I wasn’t sure how I’d feel being back out there, but man, as soon as I started, I felt amazing!
Back in high school, even though I wasn’t very fast, I LOVED running. Then, through the my senior year, a lot of “life” happened, so my running stopped and, until last month, hadn’t started up again.
That’s (almost) THIRTY YEARS! Continue reading
“Richness Within”
so
my steps led me Here
HERE
here
a life
not to be measured
by the world
yet
how could having nothing
feel like everything
and having everything
feel like nothing
starting over again
with everything
integrity
beauty
legacy
and having nothing
money
things
career
comparison destroys
hope
vision
accomplishment
having beautiful kids
a loving heart
a good good Father
and faith
will carry me through
each new step