“Never Runs Dry”

the sound of a river
do you hear it?

trickling through
sometimes rushing
always moving

now imagine that river
coming straight from heaven
through your spirit

that’s what it’s like
knowing Jesus

“Never from Nowhere”

there’s always a reason behind my writing
it’s my heart’s reaction to what’s happened
or what’s happening
sometimes I’ll lie and say it’s someone else
but in reality
it’s just me
and most likely
the lie is to protect someone else
and in protecting someone else
I may be left hurt
but that’s where I grow
and not let things control me
not let circumstances dictate my health
not let someone else’s issues stifle my laugh
but there’s always a reason behind my writing
and there’s always a smile
waiting to shine

My Son Turned 14 on 4/17/2017!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Nathan!! I know you won’t see this, but my heart doesn’t care, so I’m posting it anyway.

I’m so proud of you and miss you immensely!
There’re times when I think you’ve made the smartest decision out of all of us.
There’re times when I wonder how life will go on.
There’re times when I rage inside because you’re growing up without me.
There’re times when I rage inside because I’m growing up without you.
My bones miss your laughter.
My muscles miss your hugs.
My heart misses your smile.
But even though we’re far apart, you still turned 14!!
And even though we’re far apart, I’m still breathing.
I love you!

[Photo credit: Kyle, from the movie theater on 4/16/17]

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“Another Holiday”

Happy Easter, Everyone!!
4/16/17

Easter
a day I thought I’d be a mess
without my boys
but last week
something changed
I realized there’s someOne
so much more important
than my kids
and that One is God

and when I focus on Him
my emotions don’t go crazy
when I focus on Him
my circumstances seem small
when I focus on Him
I see He’s the same

no matter where my kids live
no matter how my marriage’s going
no matter what’s going on
no matter who’s in front of me
no matter when life takes a turn
He stays the same

and when I focus on Him
my purpose is steadfast

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“The Power of One”

alone: all one
alone with God: all one with God

but there are other types of alone

like being alone in a relationship
like being alone at a movie
like being alone in Texas

when I moved from everything I knew
and everyone I’d known
I thought it wouldn’t affect me
but almost immediately
it did

moving from everything
to almost nothing

it took its toll on me
on my emotional stability
on my spiritual identity
and I was alone

yes I made friends along the way
but none believe what I do
and yes I was never alone
but in some ways I was

but being alone to walk through things
was empowering

to know that nothing is impossible for me

sometimes
you have to walk alone
sometimes
its better to walk alone
sometimes
it’s about being all one

please don’t be offended
this is simply my poem

I know so many pray and think good thoughts
but I’m talking about the times when I couldn’t breathe
the times my face swelled up from crying
the long drive back from dropping off Nathan
and many more

alone
finding power in the only Source I know
finding comfort in the only Blanket I know
finding peace in the only Man I know
alone

trust me
nothing is impossible for me
I’m invincible
because I live in victory

even when darkness closed in around me
my path was always lit

“Not By Sight”

I haven’t done this in awhile
eyes closed
heart open
writing a poem
without distraction

as my fingers dance among the keys
I focus to see who I am

I am HIS
a child of God
blooming in every season
just like
when the rain pours down on the flowers
they may look sad
and gloomy
drooping beneath the weight
of every drop
but as the sun comes out
the flowers stand
and dance in the wind

that’s how I feel

even if the weather takes it ts toll
I remain
even if my appearance changes
my heart stays the same
perfect in HIM
my Creator
my Lover
my Everlasting Hope
my Smile
my Life

who am I?
I am HIS

not an alcoholic
not a prostitute
not a drug addict
not a mother
not a wife

I am HIS
a child of God
a daughter of the King
a vessel of His Spirit
I am HIS

Ever since my husband read my website…

I’ve had immense trouble writing. 😦

I’ve done a few poems and such but haven’t posted them here, but I will.

Writing has helped me through the toughest of times.

Now, I’m forced to change.

I’m not sure what “force” is doing the pushing though…doesn’t feel like God.

But, I’ve been wrong before.

“Anchored”

[written at 6:39pm on 1/24/17]

deep inside
I know who I am

how am I to let you in
when I want out?

who I appear to be
rages around me
but deep down
below the storm
I am anchored

but there is a way
to quiet the storm
and let my Light
shine through
while I’m anchored

“Grab a Shovel”

some people wonder where I am
inside
because I’ve been hidden away
in silence
here’s an honest poem
to let you in

when I see my reflection
it’s hard to see my beauty
and it seems every day
I’m disgusted with my weight

sometimes
I cry on the outside
but more often than not
I cry inside

I’m in that transition where
nothing seems right
but everything seems
how it should be

it’s easier to stay hidden
than expose how I am
so I smile for the camera
and cringe

my stubbornness looks
for the answers alone
because with Him
nothing has power to affect

but as you can tell
I may need some help
but only from friends
who don’t judge

the power to overcome
lives inside of me
but somehow (at times)
it seems buried