March 29, 2020

the tears are falling heavy today
draining what energy I had
I’m sad to loose my boob
and to have an imposter replace it
I know it’s for my health
maybe these tears are too

I feel swollen
I feel forgotten
I feel lost
I feel alone
I feel doomed to adjust
to another new normal

what was wrong
with the one I had before
why do I feel so unprepared

life was never guaranteed
the desires of my heart misled me
but the key to happiness
is to adapt, accept

for some reason
God felt I could handle this
He knows I’ll use His strength
and as I laid here on the couch
crying intensely
I know He was here to comfort me
that’s why this poem came out

I’m so sad
and yet
this too shall pass

please, God, don’t let me pass too

I wanna be me after surgery
I wanna bring joy to the room
I wanna help women through this very thing
I wanna become the woman you’re molding
I wanna change what needs to be changed
and I wanna be the me I’ve come to love

I feel like there’s nothing left in me
but I guess that gives God more room to work