I don’t mean to complain

Sometimes, I feel like it’s not safe to write about anything personal anymore.

As I’m walking through this cancer scare, I’ve been sharing my feelings pretty openly yet holding back the really deep stuff.

Most people tell me don’t worry. Another handful tell me that God is in control. And some tell me to quit complaining.

It’s not my intent to complain. I just write what’s going on. And what’s going on isn’t the easiest thing for me.

One of my petpeaves is when people pretend to know me without getting to know me. I’m here.

I’m real.

And I’m not looking forward to this part of the journey, but I’m excited for all the other parts.

 

I Might Have Cancer

Well, this morning’s biobsy was another adventure.

At first, they couldn’t find anything. They had the measurements but couldn’t see anything. While they went to discuss things, I was left in the room and cried.

You know what? Crying is normal and so is sadness. My counselor has been coaching me on how to feel sadness without shame or guilt, so this morning, I felt sad and cried.

I knew God was with with me and always will be, but in those moments of self and fear, I seem to feel deeply.
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