“Weather Forecast”

today is one of those days

when time feels too heavy to carry
and too slippery to hold onto

when the extra breath in the home
will be gone

when every moment flashes by
and every second ticks louder

when the last good morning face to face
will fly away

when the tears fall one by one
creating a storm

today’s the day my boys leave
and my heart breaks
again

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okay

When people tell me I’ll be “okay”…

okay::
satisfactory but not exceptionally or especially good.

Yeah, I’ll be okay.

“Fear of Writing”

I wish you knew me
all the bad relationships
I’ve been in

day after day
month after month
then years

wasting the time
meant for my kids
yet lost in a man

since living for God
loving my body
I’ve had three relationships

one too horrible to remember
one too secret to tell
and one now

but this time
I’m married

each time molds
new memories to forget
in my kids

each time
their whole lives
I’ve made them second

now holding them
first

but this time
I’m married

I had so much hope
of a happy home
Finally
I was doing things right

but in whose eyes?

meltdown after meltdown
every time losing me
every time…existing

but I want to Live!

where is the light in this tunnel
if love never fails
then what?

how long is faith supposed to last
until it works?

it’s in these moments
when I’m left inside to write
that feelings come out

feelings of doom
feeling estranged
feelings of lesser

last wednesday
I had a meltdown
in marriage counseling

so much so
she’s dividing us
to counsel separately

I hope that helps

friends tell me
God hates divorce
it’s not about being happy
you need to change
etc

but they don’t ask
how it is
so they don’t know

he never talks to me
or the kids
he’s isolated in front of us
takes everything personally
has intimate issues

we’ve become strangers
roommates

sex is non-existent
because of me
I’m not okay
with having sex with a stranger
I’ve done that
it’s called prostitution

see?
writing is my honesty
I begin to write a poem
but more comes out

in words
in tears
in sighs

there’s still a part of me
that fears
writing how I really feel

“Lyrics”

sometimes
smiles
hide the pain

sometimes
silence
hides the rage

sometimes
words
can’t say it all

sometimes
songs
only matter

before I lose my mind
on purpose
I wanna remember You

when life’s bridge
gives way
it’s You Who pulls me through

if there’s a beginning
then there’s an end
as each story’s written
there’s no need to pretend
just live each moment
and fill each day
with life’s precious memories
as part of the play

“And you He made Alive”

first part of a Scripture
and I can’t get past it
only few words
yet endless meaning

And you
He made
Alive

Alive
Alive to live not exist
Alive to experience not isolate
Alive to every moment not asleep
Alive to every thought not weak
Alive to discover not ignore
Alive

so live
to experience
every moment
take thoughts captive
and discover who
you’re living to be

it seems every thing in life
has a switch
it’s up to you to turn it
on or off

An Alarm for Thanks

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With all the stuff going on each day, it’s easy to forget to thank God, so yesterday, I had alarms to remind me.

You see, a few days ago, I heard a teaching about thanking God for one minute, seven times a day. Sounds easy, right?!

Well, the first two days, I totally forgot throughout the day, so Saturday night, I set seven alarms, and yesterday, before I knew it, a habit was formed.

In total, I must’ve thanked God for one minute over 12 times throughout the day, and my mind stayed set on good things! It was so amazing!! I’ll still set alarms each day, until it becomes a way of life.