What I Deserve

before I left for Texas
so many friends in church said
“I’m so happy for you, Laura!
You deserve this.”

really? I deserve this?

does that mean God
is a punishing God?

or does that mean we all
have decisions to make
to learn
to grow
to become

along the way
after twenty-two years
I’ve changed
but Scott hasn’t
at all
and if I’d never married him
if I’d never moved out here
he never would’ve known

it takes courage to change
and it takes courage to stay
just not sure how strong I am