“Cloudy, with a Chance of Rain”

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the quiet
brings the storm
poem after poem
wave after wave
of tears

when will my spirit
break through my soul
and Lighten the words
of my heart

a mother weaning
a wife fading
as friends turn away
and worry

all that’s left
is You in my heart
sifting through chaos
to bring clarity

as a mother
as a wife
as a friend

to a child
to a husband
to a friend

if I follow God
who cares what man thinks
but if I follow man
what will follow me

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“Aftermath”

does the grass feel
when it’s stepped on
does the flower feel
the weight of the wind
do the leaves feel
as they’re eaten away
does the tree feel the axe
as the branches are cut
and after weathering the storm
will they all look the same?

Next in Line: Cutting in front of people at the grocery store

Last night, I stayed up till midnight to celebrate my sobriety date, and here it is, almost midnight again, and I’m barely writing about it.

Every year, I seem to write about how I never think about drinking, but this year’s been different because of the last few months.

Lately, I don’t really write about how I’m feeling because, one, I’m married, and, two, I haven’t felt very positive, but to give you a little insight, here was my day, yesterday (the 23rd). Continue reading

“Foreign Map”

all of a sudden
time’s standing still
every minute rolling by
to the next
thinking about
Carolyn and Nathan
and their first day of school

I think of their hearts
breaking
the disappointments
from expectations

kids have it tough though
their journey not their own
their fate
in the parents hands

I can’t help but think
how my decisions led them here
where they cry from depression
where the air’s empty of hope
where their face-to-face with friends
is on Snapchat

I know…
trust God
and keep moving
but in which direction

I Wonder What the Bells Sound Like

Today is the first time (ever) that my kids aren’t excited for the first day of school, and it hurts all the mommy parts of my heart. Well, Carolyn’s a little excited, but that’s just so she can get out of the house.

New schools, no friends, new rules (and there’re A LOT of them), new pledge of allegiance (here, they have to pledge allegiance to the Texas flag, as well), new…everything.

Thankfully, we were blessed to get them new clothes, which was the only thing they got excited about. Life here’s just been very difficult, to say the least, but we each keep going.

There’s no telling what the end of the day will bring, but I’ll be ready to ask questions and listen to every part of their heart.

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Carolyn and Nathan on their first day of school. I just found out that, yesterday, Nathan broke down crying (AGAIN). This move has been horrible for him.

“Straight Jacket”

the thing about isolating
is that you can’t hide
from yourself

where I go
I am
where I’ve been
I was
where I’m going
has yet to be seen

in a vision
in a dream
in my hopes
in reality

I’ve never been
in THIS place before
mentally
physically
emotionally
spiritually

surrounding me
are choices
not four corners
but a circle

and I’m the one
in the middle
rocking