Texas v. San Diego: The Voice of a Mother’s heart

As a mother, I’m about to make one of the hardest decisions of my life, but the decision made will have an impact on my children, and I’m not sure what to choose.

Back in December, I fell in love with my ex-husband, and in January, I married him, which meant the kids and I’d be moving to Texas, and I was excited.

I thought this’d be good. I thought this was God, yet since we’ve been here, I’ve been doubting more and more.

Before we left, I gave the younger kids the decision to make on whether they’d stay with me in Texas or move back with their dad in San Diego. Carolyn’s sixteen, and Nathan’s thirteen. I really didn’t think of “making them” do one thing or another. I thought it was their right, as young adults, to make up their minds, and I thought it was healthy to let them choose, but now, I don’t know.

My thirteen year old “hates” it here. I mean…H-A-T-E-S it here. Here’re all the factors he’s been dealing with.

  • Extreme heat
  • An unhappy home (my husband and I haven’t been getting along at all)
  • No friends
  • New school (with STRICT rules)
  • Teenage pregnancies are common here
  • Boredom
  • Missing his friends
  • Missing his dad
  • New step-dad

There’s probably more, but that should give you an idea. Now, let’s write out my options and what I’ve been told.

Keeping Him in Texas
When you have friendships, (hopefully) you have transparency, and with that comes advice. I’ve been told that if I let him go back to San Diego, he’ll end up running from other things in life, won’t be able to hold a job, and won’t have the discipline to acquire many skills, and won’t be able to adapt to change. The middle school here is VERY different…VERY strict.

Sending Him to San Diego
I’ve also been told that if he stays here, he may fall deeper into depression. Yesterday morning, before school, both Carolyn and Nathan were crying because they hate it here. Nathan wants to go back, but Carolyn’s decided to stay, so sending him home would split them up for the first time ever, but the school in San Diego is VERY supportive of their students.

For his emotional well being, I feel he’d be better off in San Diego, but being without his mom…I don’t know.

This was after school on Thursday. That day, he received a dress-code warning for wearing those pants. I hadn’t realized it but no athletic apparel was allowed.

Have you ever been in the position where, no matter what you choose, you’ll end up upsetting someone, and then, it gets to that point when you’ve listened to so many ideas, you forget which one’s your own?

Anyway, that’s where I’m at. Should he stay, or should he go?

Of course, I’m praying about it, but my confidence in hearing God correctly has diminished some. There’s SO MUCH behind the scenes going on, that you’re really not getting the clearest picture, but if you DO have some advice for me, I’d like to read it.

In the end, I guess it’s my mind to make up.


4 thoughts on “Texas v. San Diego: The Voice of a Mother’s heart

  1. I feel for you and your children. It is a very difficult decision. I don’t always make great ones, either, so find myself suffering its consequences. Taking the advice of a fool is foolish, anyways.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My heart breaks for you and your family — so many changes — new relationship roles and different personalities all trying to figure out how to get along under the same roof. Nathan is in that teenager transition in life just by being 13. On top of that are all these changes. Change can be good, but even good changes don’t always feel right in the beginning. New relationships take time to grow. Everyone has to figure out their position or role in a family. And new friends means we have to open up, which is risky and scary. I have found with my own kids that if I base my decisions on what makes them feel good, I usually make things worse for them, not better. Pain and change produce growth, both personally and spiritually. I am praying that God gives you wisdom as neither decision you make will feel good — both will bring personal pain. Love and miss you my sweet friend!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Awe, thank you, Jan. This is so hard for me. Since my marriage is struggling, I feel he’d be better off with what he knows. In the beginning, I told him I’d let him choose where to live, and now, he’s chosen. As soon as I lean on letting him go, I doubt. When I lean on making him stay, I doubt. It’s crazy! So, I went back to my initial thought of months ago, which was to give him the choice. I’m just not confident in my decision, just hoping it’s one I can live with.


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