“New Generation”

by Nathan’s age: 15
I had already been having sex and was drinking
by Carolyn’s age: 19
I had already had one abortion, one child, and was married
by Katie’s age: 25
I had been stripping/selling my body…jail…divorce
by Kyle’s age: 28
I had quit dancing but was way strung out in so many ways

at age 32
I found God
at age 33
I found sobriety
at age 37
I found my worth
at age 42
I found true freedom

almost on a daily basis
I’m reminded how I’ve changed the course
my kids are nothing like
who I used to be
and are growing more into
what I’m like now
yet still holding on
to their own uniqueness

I never have to worry
about my kids turning out like who I was
because I walked into that church at 32
it changed their lives
it changed my life
and in the end
it helped change the lives of others
because I stay on this path with God

“Church-Hopping”

life was never confusing for her
she stumbled threw it quite easily
having never known “right”
she never noticed wrong
until that one day

as she looked at her kids
she wondered what to do
so they wouldn’t turn out like her

frantically
she searched within
to find out what was missing
but it wasn’t what
it was “Who”

God had not been sought

of course that was it!
without Him
life had been full of drugs
alcohol
cussing
and more

but how does one get God for her kids?
thus began the “church-hopping”
she’d hopped enough bars in her lifetime
now to the houses of God

one by one she sat
until finally at rest
but as she tried to ‘get God for her kids’
she ran into Him herself
but it took a while
for her to step INTO His heart

comfort was a place in chaos
love had been a place in bed
honor and respect were never spoken
and peace had been torment

how do you grow out of hell that’s normal
how do you receive a life void of drama
if wrong seems right
then right will seem wrong

eventually
Good prevailed in her heart
and what once was lost
has been recreated in time
never to be misplaced again

Extinguishing Faith

When amazing situations turn out bad, I’m not sure how faith passes on because to get where I am took amazing faith, but if I told you (honestly) where I’m at, no one would follow, and I wouldn’t encourage you to.

That saddens me.

What’s the point of exercising extreme faith if, after I land, I advice everyone to back away from the cliff.

Faith is where your blindfolded, standing on the edge, and jump, expecting to be taught how to fly, but when you fall, your aches and pains tend to be warnings for others, so they don’t do the same thing.

Extinguishing faith.

Right now, in my life, I’d encourage moms to stay single and remain being one-hundred-percent there for their kids. I’d tell you not to marry your ex because it involves too much pain. I’d tell you not to move with your kids because the loss for them is too great and becoming a stranger is too painful. And I’d never encourage someone to become unequally yoked.

In other words, everything I’ve done, feeling moved by God in faith, I’d tell others NOT to do, so I’m not sure I find the good in that.

“Chicken Pox”

I just don’t know where these moments of anger come from

maybe from marital disfunction
maybe from missing my kids
maybe from being in a place still new

as I walk
I see
as I see
I hear
as I hear
I listen
as I listen
I grow

yet these moments of anger still pant
from time to time
rarely voiced but always noticed
taken captive and made to bow

maybe that’s why I want to cry a lot

“Naked Feelings”

the beauty is
I write what I feel
the problem is
I write what I feel

I’ve wondered why
it’s so important for me
to be open
and I giggle at times
of the reality of things

years of stripping
selling my body
exposing what
was on the outside
now
keeping my clothes on
valuing my worth
exposing what’s
on the inside

being open
transparent
having no fear
of what life brings

so many marriages
hidden away
with problems galore
yet seeming at peace

so many parents
feeling like failures
doing what they believe
to make things right

so many issues
swept under the rug
not realizing any moment
someone can move it

but there’s growth in being open
with your friends
with your family
with your spouse

love breeds vulnerability
vulnerability breeds intimacy
intimacy breeds love
love breeds peace
for all to live in

“Make Away”

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a mother makes a way
for her kids to follow
even a path
for others to walk on

watchful
peaceful
aware of her surroundings
ready to protect
from those who harm

full of love
and understanding
wanting to need
and needing to want

the one who is single
is too much for many
but the one who is single
will provide

all the love that is needed
all the hope that is wanted
all the joy from the bond
of a mother and child

“Super Glue”

you can’t make
a parent
bond with their child

and you can’t make
a person
bond with their spouse

you can’t make
a teacher
bond with their student

but without that bond
what’re you left with

a child without love
a spouse without trust
a student without direction

thank God for God
Who takes what’s broken
and makes it whole

just don’t withhold
any piece of your heart