sometimes I wish you could be inside me
inside my thoughts of all that He’s done
inside my tears as they well up
it’s more than going to church or reading His word
it’s living out loud where no voice is needed
it’s listening without judging
it’s loving without wanting
it’s speaking without yelling
if you could be inside me in moments like these
maybe you’d understand the way that I am
and who I want to be
Yesterday, after my swim, I went up to the lifeguards to tell them I’d been sober twelve years. They were so excited for me!! It left me wondering: do others do that?
I’ve never been ashamed of my recovery. Actually, it’s the exact opposite: I’m very proud of being sober, having worked the steps through alcoholics anonymous, having gone even deeper with God in His word…very proud, indeed!
I never had hope of even being able to go ONE DAY without alcohol. Actually, there’s a funny story about that.
When I first started going to church in 2004, they had a women’s retreat, which I was invited to attend, so I did but was deathly afraid of how I’d be able to sleep without drinking, so you know what I did? I took Benadryl with me, so I could knock myself out at night, but to my surprise, I never used it. I was stunned! But it didn’t stop me from drinking as soon as I got back, and it took me another year and a half before I finally listened to God about going to AA.
Man, you wanna talk about a prison! It was a horrible way to live! I would leave bible studies paranoid because I thought they’d follow me to the liquor store and catch me buying booze. I was ALWAYS looking over my shoulder.
If you, by chance, are reading this post and have a problem with anything, please message me or something, so I can pray for you. You DON’T have to be alone EVER AGAIN!
Yesterday, I was surprised that I never got around to writing about my sobriety, but then again, I wasn’t that surprised at all.
You see, there’s been a fear in me about writing: who can know; things aren’t perfect; how can I be honest without drowning others; how can I be transparent without exposing…the list of fears goes on and on, and that list has kept me from writing, but that’s letting fear control me, which isn’t who I am at all.
The moment I stepped into God, Continue reading
where your life’s going
where life’s been
but if I take each moment as
it’s much easier to breathe
a moment in time
a life worth living
a living worth experiencing
an experience worth loving
spent with God
shared with Jesus
known by Him
living where I am
is my now
I had a dream
one on One
He talked to me
and what it does
He told me the benefits
of writing for others
and the difference
of only writing to Him
He finally asked me
“what’re you gonna DO about it?”
I woke up
wanting to write
I will never
forget this dream
I’m writing it down
what not writing does to me
and I see
how much He cares