Yesterday, I was surprised that I never got around to writing about my sobriety, but then again, I wasn’t that surprised at all.
You see, there’s been a fear in me about writing: who can know; things aren’t perfect; how can I be honest without drowning others; how can I be transparent without exposing…the list of fears goes on and on, and that list has kept me from writing, but that’s letting fear control me, which isn’t who I am at all.
The moment I stepped into God, fear lost its hold of me. The chains were broken. I’d been set free, so at times, when I’ve become enslaved to fear again, it’s like there’re chains coming out of the ground with shackles, and I slip right in…willingly, all the while, holding the key. Well, spiritually and emotionally, I’ve unlocked the shackles, and now, to walk it out on this keyboard…
If you asked me a couple months ago, I would’ve told you that this last year has been one of the toughest years of my life, but to be totally honest with you, it’s been one of the best!
In this past year, I’ve learned so much about myself and others. It’s really remarkable! I’ve not going to say I wouldn’t’ve learned these things any other way, that my life is laid out for the lessons that need to come. No, I think that in whatever I choose in life, God’ll teach me what I need to know, and He doesn’t have to use hell to show me.
Many people believe their past has made them who they are today. Well, I’m not one of those “manys.” My past certainly did “something” to me, but I don’t believe it molded me into the amazing woman I am today.
I mean, think about it! That’s like saying, from a young child (whom God created), I was so messed up that I needed to be molested, raped, addicted, etc. to be created into who I am now. Uhm, not my God…He wouldn’t do that!
Bad things definitely happened to me, sometimes by my will and sometimes by others’ will but NEVER by God’s will. There was another force at work there.
No, I’ve turned out amazing because I’ve allowed God into my heart and my mind. It’s taken work, determination, devotion, going beyond what I understood to gain what I understand, and I’m nowhere near done…always searching, always learning, always becoming how I want to be.
I’m sober because twelve years ago, I made it to AA and worked through the steps, and I never think about drinking.
I’m free because I learned the truth of who God is and believe His word that I’m free and never have to be in bondage again.
I’m enlightened because I live my life through His Spirit and make my thoughts align with His will for my life, which is to be like Jesus.
I’m not here to live my life for anyone else but Him, and the way I can do that is by being the best me I can be. I’m not perfect, but I’m improving (hopefully, daily).
Here’s to another year being sober, another year being free, and another year being enlightened to be more than I ever thought I could be!