Life Transformations

There for One

| Laura Lee Bonde

On Christmas Eve, a bunch of us went to Mexico to take some Christmas joy to the residents of one of the dumps. It was quite amazing. The place was full of people, but I believe God had me there for one in particular.

When the bus unloaded and we headed down towards the Christmas tree with all our bags, I heard the distant sound of mariachi music, and my heart began to dance. I couldn’t wait to let my body join in with my heart.

As I approached, I saw Phillip, dropped my bags, and ran to give him a hug. He was excited to see me. (Not many people smile there. I’m not sure if it’s because they are without joy or if it’s because they have bad teeth. We should probably take them some toothbrushes and toothpaste.) We hugged. I spoke a little in English. He spoke a little in Spanish, and then, I ate. What do you know! The trash can was next to the mariachi band. That was SO God. I threw away my plate and started dancing with the only man out there.

10403054_10203623588889898_2401755518315701031_nHis name was Ezekiel. The bus had arrived AFTER the mariachi band, and apparently, this gentleman had already been dancing. As it turns out, God had me there to be his partner.

We danced and danced. He really “knew” what he was doing. I was just hopping around. It was so fun to watch him enjoy this moment in life. It seemed like he had stopped dancing years ago and had been waiting to let it out, which he did! After dancing a few songs, we talked.

He spoke pretty good English. He told me, “I don’t know what’s wrong with everybody. Nobody wants to dance, except you. Thank you for dancing with me.” I prayed over him and spoke a prophetic word into his heart. God revealed that he had the anointing of a lion. Actually, his home was at the top of the hill. He said he protects everyone, watches over them, because there are bad people that try to come after them to take their belongings…very neat man. He’s been there three years.

Near the end of praying, he said, “Can I give you something?” I said, “YOU want to give ME something?” For a moment, I was baffled. What could he want to give me. He asked again, “Can I give you something? If I give you something, will you take it?” I said, “Yes, I will take it.”

He took off his cross necklace and placed it over my head and set it around my neck. AMAZING!10403054_10203623588889898_2401755518315701031_n (2)

To me, this was so HUGE: a man who had very little gave me something so valuable. I will keep it forever. He told me that the greatest Christmas gift he could have ever received was someone to dance with him. It was funny: at one point, he tried to dance with me as a partner. Then, he let go to dance solo and said, “It’s better this way.” That made me laugh.

Do you know how huge all of this is? There’s a past that existed where I was a stripper and used my dancing to get what I wanted. Now, that past is dead, and every moment, God is creating a new past. This one is full of Him using my dancing to bless people. Ezekiel was blessed, and I was glad that God was able to use me to dance.

A “Project” or a Friend

| Laura Lee Bonde

A few months ago, I made friends with a man that is TOTALLY opposite of me: I’m a Raider fan – he’s a Charger fan; I love Jesus – he does not; I love the supernatural – he loves science fiction; I don’t watch TV – he does; I’m waiting for a husband – he has a husband…do you get the picture? We’re opposite, but we’ve become friends.

A few weeks ago, we were joking around about being friends, and he said, “Laura, I’m not a PROJECT to you, am I?” I said, “Of course not! You’re my friend.” Since then, it’s made me think.

Have I ever made people “projects” instead of friends? Is that what “Christians” do sometimes? I loved hearing from God through my friend!

Jesus didn’t die for “some” people. He died for ALL! When you hear about a pedophile, do you become angry, or do you remember that that person has so much value that Jesus died for them? When you read about ISIS, do you remember that Jesus died for them and pray for their souls, or do you fuel those around you with hate, disgust, revenge? When a parent if beating their child on film, do you feed anger, go out to lunch with it, make it your friend, or does your heart fill with compassion because there’s one more lost soul?

Jesus died for ALL. I want to spread HIS Love, not my anger. I want to live through HIS Heart, not my opinion. I want to stand on HIS Truth, not the media. There’s so much life to be lived, so much love to be spread, so much truth to behold, and so much God to go around!!

The Beauty of Friendship

| Laura Lee Bonde

Throughout my life, I had never like women. To me, they were backstabbing, manipulative, not trustworthy. And then I sobered up but still kept women at arm’s length away from me. That was all part of the enemy’s plan, but now, I live through victory!

The majority of phone numbers in my phone are of women I know. They have blessed me beyond belief in so many different ways and in so many different areas of my life. I can’t even imagine living life apart from my lady friends, and this morning, I enjoyed time with one of them.

Every few weeks, this girlfriend of mine and I make time for each other in the early morning hours and go walking together. This morning, she came over at 6:30 am, and we ended back at my place a little after eight. What an incredible time we had!

When we walk, we talk about life, relationships, God, healing, issues, torment…everything, but at the moment something comes to light that needs the attention of heaven, we stop and pray. It is such a blessing! We laugh. We cry. We rejoice. It’s just amazing!

Life is too good to be lived alone. God is too big to be hidden. Love is too strong to be kept inside. Relationships – friendships – are so amazingly important! Today, isolation has no place in my life. Hallelujah!!

True Repentance

| Laura Lee Bonde

The other day, I posted about the date of July 21st meaning something in my life, so I wanted to explore the actual “day” that that was because I knew that true repentance happened on a Friday, but guess what? July 21, 2009 was a Tuesday. Hmm…I began to wonder why that date stuck in my head. Let me explain.

In 2009, I was desperately seeking God and found Him but had been living a “Christian” life that involved ignoring my kids, cussing, sex, etc. In seeking God’s heart, I was discovering how I wanted to be and had the conviction to prove it. I wasn’t “in” a relationship. I was merely a “booty call” to some men…hoping to find someone to fall in love with me. (I had it so backwards.) I was reaching out for prayer to stop having sex, and God answered in the most peculiar way.

I had responded to a “booty call” on a Monday (the twenty-first). A few days later, on a Thursday, I walked (barely) into the emergency room. I could not stand up straight. I was in excruciating pain and had no idea what was wrong with me. I had my bible on my lap and was reading in the waiting room and, later, in the exam room. They ran tests, took blood, took x-rays and found nothing wrong, but I was in horrible pain. And then, it happened.

The exam doctor came in, looking at my chart, and asked me when the last time I had sex was. I looked at my bible and, I kid you not, looked at my heart and thought, “What type of example am I being.” Then, I replied, “Monday.”

They gave me pain meds and sent me home. I was humiliated, embarrassed. I wanted there to be something wrong with me. I wanted there to be an answer (and not the one I was given). JC’s Girls had bible study that night, and of course, I wouldn’t be able to make it, and they were going to be filming us. I went home and kept quiet.

The following day, it hit me: the pain, the doctor’s question, the answer was all part of God bringing darkness to light, all part of turning my heart towards repentance. See, after every sexual encounter, when I told God I was “sorry,” I had thought that that was repentance, but repentance happens when you change your mind to match your heart, so the twenty-first was just the day after I had had sex, but the twenty-fourth is when true repentance reached the heavens.

Psalm 38:5,6 “My wounds fester and stink because of my foolish sins. I am bent over and racked with pain. All day long I walk around filled with grief.”

Thank God for forgiveness!

A Date Night to Remember

| Laura Lee Bonde

It’s very rare that I get time alone with each of my kids, so I need to “make” that time, which I did last night. On Saturday, I saw a yummy recipe online and asked Katie if I could make dinner for her on Tuesday night and spend the evening with her. (At times, I either have the little ones or head to Red Seal.) She said, “Yes,” so I blocked off the evening for her and her alone. (I love the word “alone” because it comes from “all one.” Last night, I was “all one” with Katie.)

A couple months ago, I attempted to make her breaded zucchini and it turned out horrible, so this was going to be my redemption night. She even said, “It won’t be like last time, right?” Ha! I hoped not. I made this one-pot-pasta, where you put all the ingredients into the pan at the same time and let it cook. The whole process from cutting to cooking probably took about thirty minutes. It turned out SO YUMMY!

Katie receives love best in different ways: having food cooked for her, washing the dishes by hand, leaving little notes. She wasn’t raised with “hugs,” so they don’t speak very loudly to her. I am honored to have this chance to “love” her well. There are many distractions in this world, many things to do, many places to be. I am so grateful that God reminds me where I need to be and when I need to be there. Every moment alive counts.

Yesterday, on the freeway in the rain, I noticed some erratic driving and had this thought: if I died, I believe my kids would be okay because they are in the best place ever. They have seen enough of God through my living to have a solid foundation. They are so close amongst themselves that I know they would stay together. They would know where I was at. They would hurt but they would be okay. (But I really don’t think that I’m going to die any time soon.)

Five Years Later

| Laura Lee Bonde

In 2009, I actually started to “read” my bible and fell in love with God, but I was in this uncomfortable state of wanting to live for him and sleeping around. The two just do not go hand in hand, so I would ask for prayer to stop having sex, and it finally worked.

On July 21, 2009, I made a decision in my heart to devote my body to God and informed the men I had been sleeping with. When I focused on God, He was pouring into me like crazy. A funny analogy to go with that was revealed to me right away. When I was a little girl, I was on the swim team. To gain the fastest head-start, it was best to have a clean dive from the get-go. My legs would always open, there would be a splash, which would slow down my momentum. They would constantly say to me, “When you dive in, close your legs.” That was SO true then and applied to my life in 2009. When I closed my legs, I was able to dive into His Word at full speed.

Last night, I felt led to look in my journal for a particular entry to share, and when I realized the date, I was reminded of the above analogy. Isn’t it crazy what time spent with God will do! Five years ago, these would not have been the desires of my heart, but because I’m fully yielded to Him, my desires line up with the calling He has on my life.
________________________________________
***Journal Entry on July 21, 2014 at 11:16 am***

The desires of my heart:

To make worship flags
To dance with them
To play the violin
To write a book
To reach more people
To love my kids well
To have a husband
To write psalms

Purity to Fight for

| Laura Lee Bonde

IMG_1051 (2)If I sat down with you and told you about my past, you may be tempted to wonder how I could feel pure. Looking at my life through the worlds eyes would reveal a lot of questions. Looking at my life through the eyes of Jesus reveals a lot of answers.

To express the measure of purity I feel will be noticeable in this one statement: I don’t even want to be kissed until my wedding day. Does that sound crazy? To the world, yes. To God, no. I have sought God through Jesus to find my identity, and in doing that, I’ve discovered what a treasure I am. Is that arrogant? No. Is that confidence? Absolutely! I am confident in who I am in Christ, and I want to be treated that way.

I was talking to a man on the street about my desire not be kissed until my wedding day, and he didn’t think that withholding my sexual desires from coming out was healthy. I told him that it is very healthy. You see, to the world, heaven doesn’t make sense, Kingdom living doesn’t make sense, purity doesn’t make sense. To God, I bet it makes perfect sense. After going back and forth in discussion, I told this man that he wouldn’t be able to change my mind. No one will be able to change my mind or my heart, not even my future husband.

I’ve even shared my purity with other Christians and have not always received positive feedback. This purity is something I will fight for. I don’t want to marry a man because of the way he kisses or the way he makes me feel when we kiss. I want to marry a man because his heart shines with God’s love. I believe if I fall in love with a man, no matter what, kissing will be amazing, so why not save it for an amazing wedding night.

I’m not out to please anyone but God. I’m truly glad that I listen to the voice of His heart and not the voice of man’s mind. Everything I feel and believe about myself right now was never known to me through life: I have value; I am beautiful; I feel like a virgin; I am a gift, not to be opened; I’m a treasure; I am worth the wait; I am elegant…every morning, I have the pleasure of waking up to who I am, and I’m excited to live out every day through Him!

A Mother “Mess-Up”

| Laura Lee Bonde

Last night, I messed up. I’m not going to share what I did wrong because I just don’t want to put it out there on FB. I was supposed to do something, was counted on, was depended on and missed my alarm. Thank God for dads!! Anyway, I’m posting because of my response. I think when we respond differently in life, THAT’s when we notice growth the most.

Oh well…unless I explain what I did, I won’t be able to convey this correctly, and this may help someone else, so here it goes: in the middle of the night, I was supposed to pick up Carolyn, missed my alarm and missed her calls (my phone was on silent). Thank God that her dad answered his phone, picked her up, and brought her home.

There…there’s my “mess up.”

Anyway, I woke up frantic. You know that feeling when you realize something in your sleep and jump out of bed, wishing you could reverse time? That was me! I came into the living room, and Carolyn was sitting on the couch, talking about her day with Kyle. I was so apologetic. I felt so bad. In the past, I really thought that what I “did” described how good of a mom I was. If that was the case, then last night would have revealed that I was a bad mom. (Notice the past tense verb. That’s not how I feel.) But when you know your identity in the cross, everything’s different.

For a moment, I went in the other room and thought, “Why am I not crying? Normally, I would be in tears.” Then, it hit me. I wasn’t crying because what I did had nothing to do with who I am. The enemy waits for moments like this to condemn me, and I used to fall into all the time, but now, my feet are on solid ground of who I am, so I didn’t fall into it. (I’m so glad I have a new normal.) This isn’t something I need to say ‘sorry’ for a million times. (I’ve don’t that to Kyle and Katie before, but I didn’t need to. I just kept listening to the voices condemning me and felt the need to say sorry over and over again. It just isn’t so.) This experience taught me so much!

Of course, I apologized to Carolyn. I felt bad, but I asked for and received her forgiveness and the forgiveness of my Father in heaven. Now, I’ll never bring it up again (except on here, in case it helps someone). Remember how I said I used to cry at things like this? I wonder how much of that was feeling bad or was wanting others to feel bad for me. Hmm…another lesson.

God is so amazing!! He just keeps revealing new truths, creating new moments, enveloping new experiences, causing new growths, seeding new friendships! I’m so excited to see and know what I will be like right before I die. There will be so much life lived, so much truths learned, so much freedom gained, so much love given and received. Even if I die today, there’s “so much” that I would see in me. Yay, God!

Life After Birth

| Laura Lee Bonde

God doesn’t need birth to bring forth new life.

On July 2, 2014, I had a dream where I wasn’t able to get pregnant, and that wasn’t a good feeling.

A little bit about me: In my younger years, I drug my kids through a lot of stuff by living a life in the dark. I don’t need to go into detail of what was done or how I lived, but I can assure you, it wasn’t pleasant. All of that is drenched in the blood of Jesus. I’ve sought forgiveness and received it.  I’ve thought about what it would be like to carry a child and give birth, while being in love with Him. I used to ask God for a husband and for that chance.

Back to the dream: when I awoke from this dream of disappointment of not being able to get pregnant, I heard the words, “God doesn’t need birth to bring forth new life.”

This spoke so loudly to me. From when I started walking closely with the Lord until now, each child of mine has become a new person. As I was delivered from more and more darkness, they were exposed to more and more Light, and principalities lost their strong holds on my family.  Although I didn’t have actual childbirth and all that goes with it, as a family, we went through emotional pain, and each one of us has been brought forth into new life.

For my kids, further individual healing will come, and for my family, new life has been brought forth, and we are able to enjoy the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth. We have regular “Game Days” where we come together, play board games, laugh, and have a lot of fun. We don’t dwell in the time that was lost. We relish in the time that we have now. Today, I’m a good, godly mother to them, and you can see their joy in their eyes when they smile. Glory to God for changing my heart and my mind and for giving me this new life to live!!