here I am
send me
hear I am
send me
not knowing
where I’m going
but knowing
Who I follow
when nothing
makes sense
He makes sense
of it all
bit by bit
moment by moment
hour by hour
He has it all
where time doesn’t matter
He has it all
of what I’m willing to give
His has it all
figured out in His Presence
He has it all
and gives it back to me
Heaven invading
send me
here I am
send me
I love hearing Katie
with her daddy
but it’s hard seeing Carolyn
without hers
some families
will always be broken
even after
restoration
I love it when
a thought comes through
and passes right by
like the wind
those are the thoughts
I take captive
blowing each away
before it takes root
but not all the time
some thoughts
I make a place for
setting them at a table to feast
on the fruits of my spirit
nibbling at the joy
the love
the patience
and more
not even noticing the plates
until they’re empty
feeling an absence
of course
none of that’s real
nothing can be taken
only buried
for the longest time
I’ve mapped my way around
before leaving the house
thinking the route
I couldn’t do that here
until yesterday
yes! a normal beginning
never realizing
the normal I had
until it was gone
beginning a normal
in
a normal beginning
or far from it
I’m somewhere inside
I can feel it
but I’m still somewhere inside
watching life happen
without living it
no longer a prison
yet a mist
haven’t found my way out
not yet
sometimes wanting
to be alone
sometimes
wanting to scream
sometimes
holding back tears
always looking
for laughter
a reason to laugh
that’s all I need
I wonder if God’ll tell jokes
I feel like
when two become one
there’s a melding that “each one” does
to fit together
that’s not what’s happening
I feel like
I’m being broken apart
in tiny little pieces
to fit in “his” mold
why didn’t I get to choose
from my mind
from my heart
why was it from God’s heart
I feel cheated
now
living in Texas
no friends
no laughter
no
dancing
yet
it’s my
forever
whenever I feel “attacked”
I build a wall
for my protection
to keep people
out
the only problem is
it keeps me
in
last night
that wall came down
let me try to explain
how I feel
I’m in a cell
a prison inside
to my right
a comfy bed
satan sheets
a pillow of depression
a blanket of isolation
it looks so comfy
to my left
a gated door
shut but unlocked
waiting for me to walk thru
yet I stand there
the only way
through the door
is to step
the only way to step
is to speak
yet my voice feels lost
every once in awhile
I glance at the bed
[written 6/4/16]
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 