“Butterfly Effect”

A beautiful heart
can be misunderstood
at any given moment

A heart that loves wholly
can be taken romantically
when it wasn’t given that way

Where are the times
of close friendships
or have those times ended

Love can be such a beautiful thing
yet at the same time
it can cause such heartache

I dance to dance
not to be danced with

I love to love
not to be loved

I listen to hear
not to be heard

I talk to communicate
not to flirt

This open little butterfly heart
wants to fly back in the cocoon
but I guess that’d be like
entering back in the womb

So I’ll continue to dance
to love
to listen and talk
and continue causing heartache
along the way

It’s Been Awhile…

Well, I’m out of hiding. Here’s a small explanation of what happened to put me in there.

For the longest time, my blog’s been my journal. I’ve been this “open book” for years, and then, I remarried my ex-husband.

The marriage hasn’t been going well, and I’ve been writing along the way, until late January, when he read through my website. Anyway, since then, I changed my settings to “private” and, for the most part, stopped writing.

Since then, I’ve written some poems on Facebook but never transferred them here because it was “private;” I mean, why bother? And as far as my other writing has gone…well, it hasn’t, but I’m tired of hiding, so I’m letting my website be seen and will start, next week, hiding any work that involves my husband.

If you want a private life, never marry a life writer, and if you don’t want anything bad written about you, then treat people well, and if you don’t know how to treat people well, get help! There’re many resources out there to assist you along the way.

Communication is the key that unlocks the prison of unresolved conflict.

“Letting Go”

[written 1/15/17]

When people are in a bad relationship
Others tend to tell them to ‘hold on’

Hold on to what?

To the tears?
That seem to slip away?

To the silence?
That crawls under your skin?

To the love?
That can’t be seen or heard?

To the bitterness?
That cuts like a knife?

To God?
Who lives inside of me?

Okay
I’ll hold on to myself
And see where I take God

“Katie”

[written 1/12/17]

in just a moment
you’ll never know
what you mean to me
because
what you mean to me
doesn’t have words
only actions

it’s the way you smile
when you find something funny
and the way you move
when you laugh

it’s the way
you pull your hair back
exposing your perfect profile
for my view

it’s the long talks we’ve had
and the tears we’ve shared
it’s the friendship that’s grown
through Ariel’s birth

it’s the way I can speak to you
without any words
and the way you reply
in the same

imagining life
without you near
is like imagining a dance
without a song

no one really knows
what we’ve been through
and no one really knows
what we’re GOING to
but we do

and amidst it all
there’re so many good things
to look forward to

the long phone calls with laughter and tears
the video chats staying face to face
the recipe swaps making meal creations
the game apps
the letter writing
the times in thought

all those things wouldn’t appear
unless you disappeared
so farewell
and always know
you’re at home in my heart

Other People’s Memories

The problem with marrying someone from your past is that that someone “knows” your past, sometimes better than you do. Anyway, last night was a rough night.

It started out well because Scott and I practiced talking and did so for about two hours. If the word “practice” throws you off, it’s because for the last six months, we’ve, probably, barely talked two hours TOTAL, which makes for a very long six months, especially when you count the days, but we seem to be on the healing side of it.

After our talk, we went to the store to pick up a couple things for the girls. They were at The Prelude, so we wanted to be back before they got home. On the way, our talking continued but didn’t go so well. Continue reading

“Naked Feelings”

the beauty is
I write what I feel
the problem is
I write what I feel

I’ve wondered why
it’s so important for me
to be open
and I giggle at times
of the reality of things

years of stripping
selling my body
exposing what
was on the outside
now
keeping my clothes on
valuing my worth
exposing what’s
on the inside

being open
transparent
having no fear
of what life brings

so many marriages
hidden away
with problems galore
yet seeming at peace

so many parents
feeling like failures
doing what they believe
to make things right

so many issues
swept under the rug
not realizing any moment
someone can move it

but there’s growth in being open
with your friends
with your family
with your spouse

love breeds vulnerability
vulnerability breeds intimacy
intimacy breeds love
love breeds peace
for all to live in

“Roadblocks”

in marriage (and relationships)

if you’re on a different page
communication’s muddled

if you’re in a different chapter
you’ll feel miles apart

if you’re in a different book
well that’s another story