“the Calm”

right now
I’m calm
even though I’m feeling
I’m calm
and in this calm
is where I need to be
so I will do my best
not to disrupt this calm
as I make decisions
as I run errands
as I live my life to the fullest it can be

this calm is the center of God’s heart

From my oldest son…

Mom,

You are happy. Correction you are happiness. You create happiness for so many people around you. The influence you have is spread wide, and your love fills the hearts of so many people. Cancer will not define you; beating cancer will impact you. You will be stronger. You will be brighter. You will be able to impact more people than we ever thought. And yet; you will be Laura, you will be Mom, you will be you still. Negative emotions are apart of this just as they are in life but don’t let that make you think less of yourself. You deserve to feel all the emotions that come with it. There’s no need to fight it. We all know you will be stronger(again not sure how that’s even possible) so just go ahead and laugh. We all need your laugh.

I love you.

“Contentment”

you know what I’ve realized?
I’m normal for “me”
no one can walk through this
like I am
and I can’t walk through it
like anyone else

we’re all different
all
unique

I’m grateful for my ups and downs
because I’m learning to work through them
the challenge I have
is to “feel” without judging myself

easier said than done

my poor counselor
I feel like he keeps having to repeat himself
but it seems like in between seeing him
I forget
but today
he said I’m doing much better!

my walk is mine
my look is mine
my nature is mine
and I’m pretty happy with it

“Straight Jacket”

the thing about isolating
is that you can’t hide
from yourself

where I go
I am
where I’ve been
I was
where I’m going
has yet to be seen

in a vision
in a dream
in my hopes
in reality

I’ve never been
in THIS place before
mentally
physically
emotionally
spiritually

surrounding me
are choices
not four corners
but a circle

and I’m the one
in the middle
rocking