“Invisible View”

some people only want to read joy
some people only want to read pain
life lived without pretending
will have more than one emotion
an open heart is free
to cry
to laugh
to enjoy
to contemplate
to rejoice
to reach out
to reach in
not everyone opens up
not everyone judges
not everyone condemns
not everyone loves
the way God loves

Five Years Later

In 2009, I actually started to “read” my bible and fell in love with God, but I was in this uncomfortable state of wanting to live for him and sleeping around. The two just do not go hand in hand, so I would ask for prayer to stop having sex, and it finally worked.

On July 21, 2009, I made a decision in my heart to devote my body to God and informed the men I had been sleeping with. When I focused on God, He was pouring into me like crazy. A funny analogy to go with that was revealed to me right away. When I was a little girl, I was on the swim team. To gain the fastest head-start, it was best to have a clean dive from the get-go. My legs would always open, there would be a splash, which would slow down my momentum. They would constantly say to me, “When you dive in, close your legs.” That was SO true then and applied to my life in 2009. When I closed my legs, I was able to dive into His Word at full speed.

Last night, I felt led to look in my journal for a particular entry to share, and when I realized the date, I was reminded of the above analogy. Isn’t it crazy what time spent with God will do! Five years ago, these would not have been the desires of my heart, but because I’m fully yielded to Him, my desires line up with the calling He has on my life.
***Journal Entry on July 21, 2014 at 11:16 am***

The desires of my heart:

To make worship flags
To dance with them
To play the violin
To write a book
To reach more people
To love my kids well
To have a husband
To write psalms