Yesterday afternoon, my friend, Carlene, brought food to have lunch with me in the park. We were ready to chat, laugh, pray…whatever God had planned, and guess what? He had something planned. Continue reading
laughter
God Knit Me for Today
Wow! That could be a title for any day, but it sure has a special meaning for me today. Before I opened my eyes, before I woke up, I heard ‘Happy Birthday’ from God. I love God so much, and how much He’s changed me is miraculous! I’m glad He made me, saved me, restored me, loved me on purpose.
Throughout the years, different dates have grabbed my attention: my sobriety date, my born again date, etc, but this year, my birth date is more precious to me than any of those. I’ve thought about God’s purpose, and what I mean by that is that He created me on purpose. He chose the twenty-first of January as my entrance into the world. Even more so than that, He chose the mother to knit me inside of: Denise Holt.
Mom, thank you for being a vessel of God’s love. I am so glad that God chose you, that God chose your womb, as a secret place for me to be formed in. In you, He created my laugh. In you, He created my heart that loves so deeply. In you, He created my smile with an everlasting joy in His heart. In you, He created me, and I am so glad He chose YOU to be my mommy. I wish all my friends could meet you. I wish I could see you. I miss you. I love you. And I’m determined to wrap my arms around you this year. I don’t know “how” it will happen. I just know it WILL.
Jesus is Lord
Sometimes, I make the kids laugh, but last night, I had the little ones cracking up. Here’s why:
Yesterday, as I was heading out on my lunch break, I asked the Holy Ghost where to walk. Then, I set off with the heartbeat of Jesus as my pace. I was telling Him I wanted to look like Him, talk like Him, hear like Him, smell like Him…I wanted to attract like He would.
As I walked on this one path, I started praying against twisted mindsets and saw two squirrels, so I decided to stop and talk to them. (This is where the kids started cracking up.) I told the squirrels, “Jesus is Lord.” Then I thought, “You probably already knew that.” From behind, I heard the crackling of leaves under footsteps. I realized I was talking to squirrels, so I turned to walk away, but this gentleman was approaching me, so I turned back around to meet him.
Within a minute, he told me that he had just suffered two heart attacks within a week. I was so excited that Holy Ghost had brought him on that path. I listened to him explain what had happened, how two stents were put in, how this had been the first time he’d been out and about since.
I asked him if I could pray for him. He said yes but stopped me to let me know that he didn’t believe in anything, that he was very “spiritual” but didn’t believe in Jesus, Buddha or anything else, but he said, “You can pray in whatever energy you believe.” I said, “I believe Jesus is Lord, and whether you believe or not, He’s still Lord. You don’t have to believe in anything. It’s me believing in my heart and praying through faith that will bring healing.” I touched his heart and prayed. Afterward, he said, “That’s good energy.”
He explained how his name was Michael because his mom had named him after the archangel. He thanked me, and we went our separate ways.
Later, I was blessed to pray for a woman who had the habit of putting everyone else first but hadn’t been caring about herself. I love how God cares so much to teach everyone their worth. She said that she’s always been protective of others but never protected herself. God touched her heart in an amazing way!
God loves so deeply. I can’t even imagine living apart from His Love.
God’s Play Date: 1/10/15
Lately, it seems like I’ve been attempting to make my own plans without checking with God, but it doesn’t look like I ever have to worry because God will move things around to get me right where He wants me to be. If I’m walking with Him closely every day, everywhere is a good place to be. On Saturday, my place was at the dump.God’s Play Date: 1/10/15
Lately, it seems like I’ve been attempting to make my own plans without checking with God, but it doesn’t look like I ever have to worry because God will move things around to get me right where He wants me to be. If I’m walking with Him closely every day, everywhere is a good place to be. On Saturday, my place was at the dump.
At first, I wasn’t going to go. I had tentative plans to do something else, which would’ve brought God glory, but it would’ve been some place else. At the last minute, those plans were changed, so I said, “Yes” to going to the dump. What a blessing!
At the dump, there were so many kids who wanted to play. I was helping out the team that was putting together a play-set, and before anything was bolted down, the kids started playing. They couldn’t even control themselves, nor did they want to. That’s how I want to be with God’s love: uncontrollable.
This one little girl grew attached to me. I would tell you her name, but I forgot to ask. In Spanish, she would ask me to play. In English, I would play with her. It was that simple, that pure…so much fun. She would get on the monkey bars (I think that’s what they’re called), but she wasn’t big enough to carry herself across, so I would hold onto her legs and walk under her until she reached the other side. She wanted to do this over and over again. She was so happy.
Then, she pulled me along to go down the slide with her. She was so precious, was having so much fun. Near the end, she saw the basketball hoop and the basketball. She wanted to make a basket so badly, so I would lift her up and hold her there while she threw the ball up. We must’ve attempted this like ten times. She never made a basket because I just couldn’t lift her high enough, but it didn’t matter. We both laughed together so much. Laughter breaks down barriers, demolishes walls, reveals strongholds. Laughter can speak louder than words.
I’m so glad I went to the dump, but more than that, I’m so glad that my heart is usable by God. His love for this little girl was so strong that He had me there to play with her. We were each there for a specific reason. I hope each person received a revelation of God’s love for them and for those they served. He’s so amazing! I’m just excited to live!!
Laugh Out Loud
Tonight, I went to the movie theater with Carolyn because I had two free tickets to use. We went to see “The Hunger Games: Mockingjay.” The previews were hilarious…a little too funny.
If you know me, I have a rather loud laugh. Well, unannounced, it comes out of my mouth, and there were a lot of funny scenes in these previews, so I was laughing a lot. There are times where I’ve learned to hold it back, but a movie theater isn’t one of those times I feel it’s needed, so if something’s found funny to me, I laugh. It’s just the way it works.
There was a scene that was SO funny that this loud laugh came out of me…uncontrollable, and these two women sitting one row below us and about four seats over leaned way forward, gave me the dirtiest looks, and said, “Are you serious?!!” They were SO rude about it and made us feel so uncomfortable that my daughter and I got up to leave. There was no way I could sit there and not laugh, and I certainly didn’t want to get into a fight, so we left.
I went to the front, explained the situation, and asked for two free tickets for another time. With no questions asked, they gave them to me. As we walked outside, I began to cry because…well, just because, but then, I pictured the scene on the movie screen that had made me laugh, and I started busting up, laughing. Carolyn was so confused. She didn’t know what was going on.
When I could speak through the laughter, I told her, “All I keep picturing is that scene with the gun,” and she started laughing hysterically. The beautiful part of all this is that, before the movie, Carolyn had been grumpy, yet because of all this, we ended up laughing all the way home. We bonded so closely. We still want to see that movie. We just want the freedom to laugh during it. I love God, and I love the laugh He gave me, and I pray those ladies learn to love laughter someday.
The Joy of the Lord
On Wednesday, a woman asked if I’d be willing to pray for a young man who wanted to get off heroine. Of course I was willing, so yesterday, the three of us went walking in the park, and God did some amazing things (of course), and it all started with a little joy.
As I was getting ready for work, I had an outfit planned out, and at the last moment, God informed me of wearing something totally different, so I did. I wore jeans, a green plaid shirt, and a white tank-top. That doesn’t “seem” important, but it is. I don’t “normally” dress like that. It was something I wore once to a country-western thing, but God knew what He was doing.
At lunchtime, I was on the street, looking for my friends (not knowing what the vehicle looked like). I spotted a young man who was sitting in the passenger seat who glanced my way, so I knew it was him and started walking toward the van. He got out with really no expression on his face. As my friend walked around from the other side of the van, I saw what she was wearing: jeans, a red plaid shirt, and a white tank-top. I laughed so loud (and if you know me, you KNOW my laugh was LOUD). And guess what my laugh did…put a smile on the young man’s face.
Not only did it put a smile on his face but out came a giggle. God is so creative!! His love for this young man was so strong that He changed my outfit to have me match my friend, “knowing” that it would crack me up and bring a smile to his face, so our meeting started out with an overflow of Joy. How amazing is that!
God is amazing! His truth demolishes heroine’s assignment. His love covers all sin. He holds no record. We all have a created value. It’s just about learning it, believing it, and knowing it. When THAT created value becomes our identity, THAT’s what scares the devil; he’s freaked out that we will someday KNOW who we are and what we’re here to do. Well, for me, that day has come. Yay, God!
Our Game Nights
When I post about me and the kids having “Game Nights,” you have no idea how much fun they are, and it would be hard to describe each night in words because it’s just something where you really do need to “be there.” I’ll do my best to take you there now.
We sit around a table, so everyone’s face if visible. So much laughter may be found in facial expressions, in body movements, in hand gestures. It’s hilarious, but then, you add voices to that, and the laughter is unstoppable! But it wasn’t always like that.
For years, we’ve been having game nights. It all started when I would open my home to friends from Rock Recovery. We used to hang out at Denny’s, Miniature Golf, etc, but I missed my kids, so I decided to take our hang outs to my home. I learned so much.
The kids and I started having our own game nights. With the kids, there used to be arguing, bad attitudes, etc. Even though we encountered “moods,” we never stopped having them. Right now, the kids are the happiest they have ever been. Before a game night ends, we talk about having our next one.
In this particular picture, we were playing Uno Dare. That’s where you either “draw two” or take the “dare”…hilarious. In this turn, Carolyn had to walk around the table with a card between her knees without letting it fall. It was so funny. She almost peed her pants. After she sat down, Kyle told her, “Oh, I added that part about it not being able to hit the ground. You could’ve let it fall.” Oh my gosh, we laughed so hard!
The other day, I picked up Katie from Sprouts and was headed to drop her off at the Thai place, where she holds a second job. She was telling me about a conversation she had with a coworker from Sprouts. She was telling him about our game nights and told the employee that it’s through those game nights where she has learned to love. Isn’t that amazing!!
God uses our “Game Night” to teach the kids (and me) lessons. He’s taught Katie how to love. Isn’t that beautiful!! My birthday is this month, and I’ve been thinking about just leaving my front door open for a day, and if anyone would like to come by and join us in a game, they could come by and say, “Hi!” I guess I will share my amazing kids for ONE day.
Christmas Eve at the Beach
Before I went with a group to take Christmas to the dump, I followed God’s voice to the beach. Let me explain.
On Tuesday (12/23/14), I was thinking about our trip to take Christmas to the people at the dump in Mexico, and I thought, “What about taking Christmas to people here?” That was the beginning of thoughts. Eventually, I had the idea of taking donuts to the homeless people on the beach in Ocean Beach, but I wasn’t sure if it was “my” idea or God’s.
As I was telling a friend at work, he said, “Even if you don’t do it, it’s a good idea.” Well, a good idea should be followed by action, so I told God, “If You want me to go, wake me up early in the morning, and I’ll go.” I carried on with my day, my night, set my alarm for almost 5 am, and went to sleep. Sure enough…God had a plan!
He woke me up at 4:07 am. I looked at the time and said, “Okay. I’ll go.” I made my coffee, enjoyed my time with Him, and got ready. When I walked into the donut shop, they had all these Christmas donuts, so I asked for two dozen. They looked so pretty and festive. 
When I arrived at the beach, I didn’t see any homeless people, but I “knew” I was supposed to be there because I “knew” I heard God’s heart. I decided to sit on the wall where we normally do outreach and wait to see if someone would come by. As I approached the wall to set the donuts down, there they were. They were huddled in the sand down behind the wall, all snuggled up, trying to stay warm. I said, “Merry Christmas! I have Christmas donuts for you!” They were so happy.
A couple of them arose immediately to enjoy the donuts. A couple of them didn’t want to disturb the warmth they had obtained. I sat down with them and started to get to know them. God is so good!
Aries: she traveled from Portland Oregon to engage in “Black Sheep” and has been sleeping outside wherever she goes. She’s so young. Evidently, “Black Sheep” is a week long celebration in the woods where hippies gather to do drugs. It’s in Yuma. I had never heard of it. Following it is a “Rainbow” celebration where the drug-fest continues on. She had a sore throat. God healed her.
Robert: he was so blown away and so happy that someone thought of them to bring them donuts. He kept saying, “Thank you” with the happiest eyes and the biggest grin.
Matthew: at first, he was skeptical, but as I sat and talked with everyone, he softened up. He stayed in his sleeping bag and shared about parts of his life. He allowed me to pray over him. (In the end, he got up to hug me.)
Will: he stayed wrapped in his blanket for awhile but liked talking about our Savior. He was an older gentleman, whose eyes were blue at times.
After eating a donut, Robert went to the restroom and came back with others.
Simon: he’s been on the beach for awhile, scavenges for food and is often given drugs. He showed me his box of special necklaces, rocks, yarn, etc. It was his treasure box. He even played music for us. (You can imagine the type of music it was.)
Panda: he calls himself the original “Panda.” He’s been around at OB for a long time and is well known. He loved the donuts and sat and talked with me for a little bit.
Jacob: he likes to be called “Jake.” He was so happy to have Christmas donuts. He kept saying thanks and hugging me. Actually, there was a lot of hugging going on.
The whole time that we were all sitting around, talking, laughing…there was a grumpy looking man watching us, walking by at a distance, sneering. He never came over for a donut…just watched.
As we were talking, I asked them, “If I could gather up a donation of food, what would be best food to give you, while living on the beach. Cereal?” In unison, they all said, “Yes! Cereal! We love cereal.” The girl hollered out “Lucky Charms!” Which brings me to my next thought: collecting boxes of cereal for these precious ones.
It came time for me to leave, so I headed for the car. On my way, I came near the grumpy looking guy. I stopped and asked his name.
Larry: he was watching to see if I was being for real, what were my motives. He shook my hand, hugged me, and said, “Thank you.”
God is SO Good! He has the BEST plans.
The Beauty of Friendship
Throughout my life, I had never like women. To me, they were backstabbing, manipulative, not trustworthy. And then I sobered up but still kept women at arm’s length away from me. That was all part of the enemy’s plan, but now, I live through victory!
The majority of phone numbers in my phone are of women I know. They have blessed me beyond belief in so many different ways and in so many different areas of my life. I can’t even imagine living life apart from my lady friends, and this morning, I enjoyed time with one of them.
Every few weeks, this girlfriend of mine and I make time for each other in the early morning hours and go walking together. This morning, she came over at 6:30 am, and we ended back at my place a little after eight. What an incredible time we had!
When we walk, we talk about life, relationships, God, healing, issues, torment…everything, but at the moment something comes to light that needs the attention of heaven, we stop and pray. It is such a blessing! We laugh. We cry. We rejoice. It’s just amazing!
Life is too good to be lived alone. God is too big to be hidden. Love is too strong to be kept inside. Relationships – friendships – are so amazingly important! Today, isolation has no place in my life. Hallelujah!!
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 