[written 10/14/16]
stranded
on an island
in your mind
no one
around you
no one
to care
no one
to rescue you
no one
to rescue
have you been there?
did you know how to
swim?
that’s when you learn
the trees can talk
the birds can sing
and the waves can carry on
the conversation
if you look closely
you’ll see God everywhere!
[written 10/14/16]
(funniest title EVER!! I’m dying laughing!!! most of the time, my titles come from God, but I’m not sure about THIS one…as they say in AA: keep coming back!)
I’ve never felt so far behind
in revealing my heart
so much I want to tell you
so much I have to hide
as I catch up with you
I’ll be writing A LOT
but then there’ll be days
of silence
where I’ll ponder what’s in front of me
and examine what’s been behind
nowhere to go
but inside
where God waits to be released
[written 10/14/16]
you know what I love about being open?
you see the good times and bad
you see the moments
that’ve made me laugh
and the quicksand of tears
that’ve pulled me under
you see life being lived
and some death of myself
you’ve seen
depression
adventure
struggle
joy
I don’t mind being me and living where I am
it was those moments of wanting to die
that bothered me so
people need love
so why not be it wherever I go
there’re those who hate God
and those who seek Him
or something at least
and the aroma of His love
is the fragrance that’ll draw
people closer to His heart
[written 10/13/16]
yesterday
here’s what made me cry
about Nathan
an “Applebee’s” sign
thinking about dinner
seeing a 13yr old boy
the sign
on the side of the freeway
a place Nathan’d wanted to go
but we never went
in Sam’s Club
wondering what to make
realizing Nathan wouldn’t be
sitting at the table
in Target
seeing a teenage boy
wearing a mask
posing for snapchat
really?
is this
how it’ll be
as it gets better
will I cry less
will I harden?
thank God
for the women in AA
who heard my heart
and handed me tissue
[written 10/12/16]
there’re just some things
in this mommy heart
that can’t be avoided
and ‘i’m sorry’ seems to be
the only words that comfort
the only words that fit
I know
things’ll get better
I know
it’ll just take time
I know
it’ll be okay
tell me something
I don’t know
and maybe
just maybe
I’ll feel better
until then
I miss my son
and even after then
I’ll still miss him
[written 10/9/16]
sometimes
I wonder
“if I’d done
EVERYTHING right
would things be
different?”
but then THAT
makes me wonder
“if I’d done
everything right
would I be
who I am?”
who I am
is pretty amazing
so trying to
change the past
seems
pointless
just a moment to write a poem
about me
about him
the one who wears a mask
all the time
yet takes it off for others
or does he only wear a mask
when others are around
I used to be
one of those others
but now
I just don’t know
those who’ve heard my cries
no longer believe
in just one night
have I been made wrong?
when I close my eyes
beauty comes easy
from God’s heart through
mine
but when I open my eyes
I see my son leaving
and part of that beauty
fades
losing a son
gaining a daughter
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 