poems

“hopes or wishes”

| Laura Lee Bonde

I think the best way to mourn the dead
is to spend time with the living
after all
death often brings one closer
to life

now more than ever
life has gained value
and importance
things that used to be priority
have shifted down the list
moments that’ve been pushed aside
have risen to the top

I have no fear of dying
but I have sadness knowing what the kids would endure
if I died
that gives me more determination
to live

today, we celebrated the life of a great man
one who lost the battle to cancer
one who I could feel in my breast

I wonder how many times he was told
“it’s gonna be okay”

“Trails”

| Laura Lee Bonde

Being drained and exhausted
Yet wide awake from writing a paper
Leaves one to wonder the strangest things

Like what’s it all for
Anyway
I mean, you work so hard
For what may not happen

Then my thoughts trail off
To the past

Like why would you want
To sleep with me
Yet not get to know me
Not spend time with me

They really missed out

Then my thoughts trail off
To tomorrow

Like how I’ll dress to impress
Those higher than me from out of town
Make my hair look nice
And fix my makeup

But they don’t wanna know me either

Then my thoughts trail off
To this moment

Where the Presence of God
Fills my lungs
And every part of Him
Knows and Loves every part of me

To be known by Him
Is to be unknown to the world
And that’s the best place to be

“Someday”

| Laura Lee Bonde

my heart
is meant
to be captured

how do I know?

whenever the scent
of a man
shows interest
I swoon

a weakness like that
wouldn’t exist
if
my heart
wasn’t meant
to be captured

“New Generation”

| Laura Lee Bonde

by Nathan’s age: 15
I had already been having sex and was drinking
by Carolyn’s age: 19
I had already had one abortion, one child, and was married
by Katie’s age: 25
I had been stripping/selling my body…jail…divorce
by Kyle’s age: 28
I had quit dancing but was way strung out in so many ways

at age 32
I found God
at age 33
I found sobriety
at age 37
I found my worth
at age 42
I found true freedom

almost on a daily basis
I’m reminded how I’ve changed the course
my kids are nothing like
who I used to be
and are growing more into
what I’m like now
yet still holding on
to their own uniqueness

I never have to worry
about my kids turning out like who I was
because I walked into that church at 32
it changed their lives
it changed my life
and in the end
it helped change the lives of others
because I stay on this path with God

My Past Makes Me a Whore?

| Laura Lee Bonde

I just saw a disturbing post. It was about a woman who has “a past,” and because of “her past,” they’re calling her a whore.

As much as I wanted to defend her, I couldn’t because political bullying is intense, so I’ll speak in my own defense.

According to this post that I saw…
My past makes me a whore

I used to be a stripper
That makes me a whore
I used to sell my body
I’m not one to be honored
My one-night-stands are countless
I must be a slut

You see
I know that’s not true
But why do people spew it?
Why do they tear down the present
With the past?

I know I’m a woman of integrity
Who deserves to be honored
The past will NEVER define me
Nor should it define anyone else

A Different Kind of Mother

| Laura Lee Bonde

Not everyone
had this loving support
from a mother growing up

No, there are some moms out there
who did only one thing…give birth
yet that’s the most important thing needed
to create a possible legacy

Yesterday, I heard this really good sermon
about being nurtured through childhood
yet a couldn’t relate
it was a beautiful sermon for others though

But the similarities were hidden
in the mother I am today
I’ve become “my own” through God
and I love all my kids very well

Each one thinks they’re my favorite
because each knows how special they are
to me and to God

“Delete”

| Laura Lee Bonde

sometimes people hear what they want to hear
and only see what they want to see

words can be damaging
whether spoken or written
and when people speak or write from darkness
it’s a conduit for pain

I can’t imagine being mean to someone
who just lost a loved one
but honestly
I bet it happens all the time

my heart goes out to all those affected
by other people’s opinions
during times of mourning

whether your mourning the loss of your mother
or maybe mourning the loss of a friendship
an ability
a dream
an opportunity

just like grief has no boundaries
neither does loss
and both are individually tailored
to fit one’s internal wiring

thank God for those who stand with you
and fight for you
because if it was up to me alone right now
I wouldn’t be writing this

I’d be cowering away somewhere
afraid to speak
afraid to write
afraid to reach out for help

what other people think of me
is NONE of my business
I truly believe that
and God’s giving me plenty opportunities
to prove how I believe

the good thing about darkness being spread
through written words is
they only have power
if you read them