why didn’t I get to choose
from my mind
from my heart
why was it from God’s heart
I feel cheated
now
living in Texas
no friends
no laughter
no
dancing
yet
it’s my
forever
why didn’t I get to choose
from my mind
from my heart
why was it from God’s heart
I feel cheated
now
living in Texas
no friends
no laughter
no
dancing
yet
it’s my
forever
whenever I feel “attacked”
I build a wall
for my protection
to keep people
out
the only problem is
it keeps me
in
last night
that wall came down
let me try to explain
how I feel
I’m in a cell
a prison inside
to my right
a comfy bed
satan sheets
a pillow of depression
a blanket of isolation
it looks so comfy
to my left
a gated door
shut but unlocked
waiting for me to walk thru
yet I stand there
the only way
through the door
is to step
the only way to step
is to speak
yet my voice feels lost
every once in awhile
I glance at the bed
[written 6/4/16]
do you
ever
have times
when
the words
grow
legs and
run
away faster
than
you can
catch
them?
[written 6/4/16]
how long will it take
to feel like mine
when the kids get their beds
when my art’s on the wall
is it a matter of time
or space
will it be when I unpack
or working again
is it losing control
or never having it
everything new
will become old
eventually
even these feelings
almost
every
rose bush
has
thorns
the art of surrendering
should be on display somewhere
I’d love to tell you that everything
was a piece of cake
the packing
the loading
the drive
the move
but it wasn’t
there was stress
but we made it
together
it’s hard to explain the emotions
felt behind the wheel
as I watched the trailer in front of me
hold my stuff
my things
my life
everything I had
in a trailer
it was weird
thinking every thing would melt away
when we got here
but it didn’t
unpacking things
only to realize
my things didn’t have “a place”
then it hit me
I left my home
to be a visitor
nothing “fitting in”
not even me
not yet
I’m not sure how much of my bath
was water
and how much
were tears
learning to live
a different way
I wonder what poetry
was inside Abraham
if I had time to write
I’d cry
if I had time to cry
I’d write