poems

“Happy Endings”

| Laura Lee Bonde

she lives her life in light
glancing at the darkness behind her

if she never shares where she’s been
they’ll never know where she’s come from
what God’s brought her through

living can be as simple as sharing
sharing can be as simple as living

boldness comes through the piercing of the heart
with the love of heaven striking through

love
not sex
but love

God is love
love is God

how long had she been confused?
years and years
tormenting her body
her heart
her mind

but one moment in time
changed the course she was on
and slowly but surely
it developed

a relationship with Him
living in Him
for Him
to Him

HE’s the one who wooed her to church
HE’s the one who listened to her prayers
it was HIM who led her to AA
through the steps
clearing the way for HIM
to enter in entirely

and all along the way
as she made mistakes
He waited lovingly with arms opened wide
embracing her as she returned
loving her deeply through it all

why?
why did God put up with her? she wondered
and in gentle moments He explained

“I know what the ending looks like” He said
“who you are isn’t who you’ll be”

THAT keeps Him patient
THAT keeps Him constant
THAT keeps her holding on
for what she’ll truly be

“Where I’m At”

| Laura Lee Bonde

I feel like everything I’m doing now
I was born to do

when I write
something happens inside
like a spiritual birth
every time
and I walk away renewed

when I dance
I feel like I’m moving in heaven
free of thought
free of life
free to be me

when I work with women
I feel like every trauma I’ve been through
is their hope
because I’m on the other side
I’m grateful for all that I’ve been through

as a mother
I’m rewarded every moment
of every day
thoughts of my kids and grand baby
fill my heart

when I work with silk
I really feel like I know what I’m doing
even as I learn
like it was meant for me to do
and meant for me to create

when I speak
I feel like people listen
like really listen
and when they walk away
they’ve held on to what they needed

when I laugh
love overflows
into everyone around me
and when I cry
I think the same thing happens

I feel like I was born to do
everything I’m doing now

“The Next Generation”

| Laura Lee Bonde

[Written April 22, 2018, the Sunday before my mom died]

Every person in your life
is a teacher
They either show you who you want to be
or show you who you don’t

And every situation
has the same effect

Death
has the same effect

As I go through this painful trail
of losing my mother
I find more of myself

Instead of grieving what I missed
as a daughter
I’m strengthened to pour out
as a mother

Instead of regretting what’s been lost
in the past
I’m hoping for what I’ll create
in the future

The past will forever be behind me
as the future will always be in front of me
And it’s up to me to choose
the direction in which I walk

As I go through this painful trail
of losing my mother
I find more of the me I choose to be

“The Three Hour Cry”

| Laura Lee Bonde

no matter what you do
life gets messy
if you’re living it

people come and go
friends live and die
kids stay and leave

it just…
happens
this life stuff

but I’ve had friendships
that molded my future
and changed my life

I’ve experienced love
that inspired me to BE more
to live more

I’ve grown into the mom
that I wanted to be
that I was meant to be

and along the way
I’ve learned more and more
of who I’m not

being true to myself
has led me to confidence
and seeing my beauty

staying one with God
has lifted me through the toughest times
and the deepest griefs

His Oneness guides me
to love deeper
without walls

and every day
brings a chance to learn
what makes you smile

and today I learned
greasy food and chocolate
feed grief well

“Church-Hopping”

| Laura Lee Bonde

life was never confusing for her
she stumbled threw it quite easily
having never known “right”
she never noticed wrong
until that one day

as she looked at her kids
she wondered what to do
so they wouldn’t turn out like her

frantically
she searched within
to find out what was missing
but it wasn’t what
it was “Who”

God had not been sought

of course that was it!
without Him
life had been full of drugs
alcohol
cussing
and more

but how does one get God for her kids?
thus began the “church-hopping”
she’d hopped enough bars in her lifetime
now to the houses of God

one by one she sat
until finally at rest
but as she tried to ‘get God for her kids’
she ran into Him herself
but it took a while
for her to step INTO His heart

comfort was a place in chaos
love had been a place in bed
honor and respect were never spoken
and peace had been torment

how do you grow out of hell that’s normal
how do you receive a life void of drama
if wrong seems right
then right will seem wrong

eventually
Good prevailed in her heart
and what once was lost
has been recreated in time
never to be misplaced again

“Butterfly Effect”

| Laura Lee Bonde

A beautiful heart
can be misunderstood
at any given moment

A heart that loves wholly
can be taken romantically
when it wasn’t given that way

Where are the times
of close friendships
or have those times ended

Love can be such a beautiful thing
yet at the same time
it can cause such heartache

I dance to dance
not to be danced with

I love to love
not to be loved

I listen to hear
not to be heard

I talk to communicate
not to flirt

This open little butterfly heart
wants to fly back in the cocoon
but I guess that’d be like
entering back in the womb

So I’ll continue to dance
to love
to listen and talk
and continue causing heartache
along the way

“Proof”

| Laura Lee Bonde

the most memorable moments
are the one-on-one times
I get to share with ladies

moments of remembering
the road leading up to
and carrying on in recovery

those moments in sharing
when gentle tears rise inside
remorseful of what I’ve done

of who I was

gentle tears of healing
for both her
and me

tears of being thankful
of who I am now
and what I now do

I’m a living, breathing testimony
of one who has recovered
from a hopeless state of mind

and I’m living proof
that a life lived in God
is one worth living

“Confidence” (or Godfidence)

| Laura Lee Bonde

one God
one love
one moment
one peace

having entered in
I can walk through trials of fire
and not get burned

I can swim through waters of life
and never drown

when winds of change flow through me
they lift me up, never knock me down

obstacles
hardships
loneliness
are simply opportunities
to love Him more

every day I walk taller
knowing Who He is
and who I am inside His heart