thank You for saving me
from the stage of my past
redeemed
restored
into someone new
loved head to toe
when I look back
I can’t even recognize
the “me” I used to be
I’ve been reborn
in life
in character
in nature
the me I see now
is enveloped in You
and who I’m meant to be
is still being fashioned
through trials
through fire
through Love
shining through it all
I trust You
I lean on You
I fall back into You
leaving imprints of love
with those I’m blessed to meet
In this life
Things won’t always be fair
And hardly ever turn out even
But deep down inside
Everything’s right
Because in perfect Peace
Is where I dwell
there’s so much to be grateful for
I just don’t know where to begin
I’m grateful for knowing God
not in a surface way
but in a deep, profound way
I’m grateful for my beautiful kids
how they make decisions
apart from codependency
I’m grateful for my wonderful job
that feels like a way of life
except that I clock in and out
I’m grateful for this home
the imperfections
and the perfectness
I’m grateful for my mind
that it’s set in the right direction
and thinks soundly
I’m grateful for my Raiders car
that after 253,000 miles
it’s still going strong
I’m grateful for each moment of the day
how it happens right on time
but unexpectedly
I’m grateful for emotions
and that I’m not judged by them
or for having them
I’m grateful for transparency
that I no longer have to hide within myself
or lie to make me greater
I’m grateful for a lot of things
but most of all for God
because He’s made me complete
what have I become?
I’ve become more of who I am
there’re still some words inside
holding back from coming out
and it makes me wonder
why?
who am I protecting?
who am I afraid of?
if God is for me
who can be against me?
at times…many
but in reality
as much as people have the right to bully online
I have the right to speak my mind
whether you like it or not
but still
if I can’t take the heat
there’s always the delete button
fear is such a bully
who thrives
on keeping one locked up
silent
doubting
wondering
what should’ve been done
what could’ve been done
how you’ve failed
but it’s only an illusion
fear threatens
and suffocates
and ages one
without them knowing
fear has a tall shadow
but a tiny image
it can look like light
and sound like sanity
it wears its costume
well
but when exposed
it disintegrates
into nothingness
those who pass away
live on in your heart
and cross your mind
every day
when I make coffee
I think about Lee
when I snap my fingers
I think about Rob
when I iron
I think about Lee
when I see the bay
I think about Rob
multiple times
every day
they cross my mind
as if they’re walking around up there
it breaks my heart
to see relationships
without love
with the absence of love
there’s room for so much more
bitterness
resentment
silence
distance
heartache
but the moment love becomes present
the rest is covered
creative people
need space to create
space can be
room
time
place
support
without this space
there’s no room
there’s no time
there’s no place
there’s no support
which sometimes suffocates
art
Running
I love it so much
I know it’s not my identity
but now that I’m running
I feel I’ve found a lost part of me
the sound of my shoes
the rhythm of my breathing
the thoughts in my head
in my heart
the memories
the hopes
the plans
every thought positive
I just…love it
even when I’m slow
if I keep going
I’ll get there
never looking back
never losing track
simply moving
and afterwards
oh afterwards
I feel SO good
almost good enough
to keep going
someday…I will
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 