there’s a certain
melancholiness
that enters in
the dread of life
not much emotion
but a lot of thought
creating ways to exist
through each day
there’re those
who see the light
be it ever so small
at the end of the tunnel
there’re most
who never enter the tunnel
crossing over the bridge
with the ones they love
and yet some
are deep in the tunnel
where darkness lies
in front of and behind them
but the train never worries
it has its own light
in the silence
she writes
to become what she is
no mirrors
no windows
just reflection
there’s the past she’s forgotten
and a past that she makes
only one worth remembering
every word
every tear
every breath
released in a song
moved by a poem
expressed with a word
in the stillness
she thinks
where she was and is
sometimes the memories
whether bad or good
help navigate the way
so she thinks
so she writes
and she sings what will be
Poetry Night at The Prelude was really good last night, except I forgot to ask someone to record it, but it went well.
I read some poems that explained who I used to be and how Jesus changed my life. I was asked, for next time, if I’d bring my flags and dance a song. Only God knows what that meant to me, especially now.
Very recently (on Wednesday), I questioned in my heart if I should even use them in public anymore (because of someone’s reaction to them). What that person did and said felt like it crushed me, so wouldn’t that just be God’s timing?!
Right after I felt crushed by one, I was lifted by another.
To me, it’s more than a dance. It’s more like a passion!
Next month, when I dance a song, I’ll see if someone will record it. (Sometimes, that’s hard to find.)
“My Dance With Jesus” (click photo)
before I left for Texas
so many friends in church said
“I’m so happy for you, Laura!
You deserve this.”
really? I deserve this?
does that mean God
is a punishing God?
or does that mean we all
have decisions to make
to learn
to grow
to become
along the way
after twenty-two years
I’ve changed
but Scott hasn’t
at all
and if I’d never married him
if I’d never moved out here
he never would’ve known
it takes courage to change
and it takes courage to stay
just not sure how strong I am
I picture my heart
Different strings holding on
To what’s important
Some are chords
Songs coming out
Some are rope
Strong as can be
Some are thread
Wearing in the middle
Until snap
in the silence in the peace not outside but inside you'll find answers beyond words
let me describe part of yesterday to you
Katie at the sink doing dishes
Scott in the living room holding Ariel
Carolyn in her room
and me at the kitchen table eating some lunch and crying
the only thing holding me back
from writing that poetry
are the comments being made
how I should only speak positive
if you only knew I had a calling
to write the rawness of what’s real
but then again
would you believe me?
so to not write would be listening
to man
and to write
would be listening to God
but then I have moments of doubt
of course
because part of my listening seems “off”
since I’m so sad
how do you lie through a life
saying everything’s okay
when inside most of the time
you’re on the verge of tears
how many people lose their life
and those around them ‘didn’t see it coming’
when asked how they were doing
did they simply “i’m fine”?
if honesty is so healing
why do people say to hide it?
when I write I release
and walk away lighter
stronger
with a clearer mind
when I don’t write
I seem to lose the battle
until I write
a wife without a husband
a mom without a child
a silence without laughter
are only memories and imaginations
maybe I’m not writing so much
because life’s seems so depressing
and I write about life
even today
writing about Katie
now I can’t stop crying
does anyone care to realize
how this feels?
I know I’m “supernatural” and shouldn’t “feel”
but I DO
and I feel deeply
every word
every look
every silence
every laughter
every hug
every child
every moment
I feel
I “could be” farther along than I am
but if I focus on that
I’ll miss out on where I am
but it’s just hard not to notice
what keeps holding me back
a failing business
because I keep failing
a distant marriage
because we’re still strangers
kids that keep leaving
because they’re not happy
it’s like I’m reminded every day
of what’s not right
meaning most what I see
seems wrong
so I stay in God’s word and pray
worship through my heart
and dance
every chance I get
but how does that help?
it’s like I’m reminded every day
of what’s not right
meaning most what I see
seems wrong
still looking
still waiting
still hoping
still
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 