I know you don’t
because when I look in the mirror
I cry
I see my profile
my weight
my self
and I cry
I just want someone
to see me
from the outside
each profile
from the neck down
from the neck up
from the front
the back
the sides
and tell me that
I’m beautiful
but convince me
or deliver me from
the darkness
that tells lies
it’s more than just
moving away
it’s not being able to kiss him in the morning
it’s not being able to see him at the table
it’s not being able to hug him
it’s not being able to know he’s there
it’s more than just
moving away
right now in my life
there’re a few phrases
that turn my stomach
and if chewed and swallowed
would come back up
like
‘God has a plan’
‘everything happens for a reason’
‘kids’d move out anyway’
‘just give it time’
to name a few
I refuse to believe
my whole life was planned out
drugs
alcohol
rape
some things resulted from
bad choices
which led to darkened paths
not chosen by God
but chosen by me
or others
and although I’ve been
forgiven
there still remains a trail
of broken families
broken dreams
broken ness
maybe mending
takes a lifetime
maybe dreams
are meant forgotten
I made the mistake of
fantasizing reality
which led to a
rude awakening
but at least I’m awake
and at least
I’m still trying
recently
a friend looked
in my past
and noticed something
different
a past
in the light
is something one can
learn from or be
warned by
what causes
change
to be effective
what moves darkness
out of light
in a moment
a word
everything can shift
but nothing’ll be
as it was
[written 10/17/16]
there aren’t many people
who’d beat their spouse
in front of company
there aren’t many bullies
who’d pick on kids
in front of teachers
there aren’t many parents
who’d toss their kids
in public
yet so many times
people trust
a smile
an attitude
a picture
when behind the scenes
behind closed doors
people are worn
to nothingness
and yet they
smile
and act
and pose
to mask the pain
let’s wake up
to those around us
instead of guessing
what’s behind the curtain
get to know the cast
and be part of their solution
[written 10/14/16]
sometimes
there’s music in my head
I sing with
sometimes
there’s music in my heart
I dance with
sometimes
there’s music in my soul
I sleep with
there’re no limits to what you can do
only limits to what you “think” you can do
[written 10/14/16]
stranded
on an island
in your mind
no one
around you
no one
to care
no one
to rescue you
no one
to rescue
have you been there?
did you know how to
swim?
that’s when you learn
the trees can talk
the birds can sing
and the waves can carry on
the conversation
if you look closely
you’ll see God everywhere!
[written 10/14/16]
you know what I love about being open?
you see the good times and bad
you see the moments
that’ve made me laugh
and the quicksand of tears
that’ve pulled me under
you see life being lived
and some death of myself
you’ve seen
depression
adventure
struggle
joy
I don’t mind being me and living where I am
it was those moments of wanting to die
that bothered me so
people need love
so why not be it wherever I go
there’re those who hate God
and those who seek Him
or something at least
and the aroma of His love
is the fragrance that’ll draw
people closer to His heart
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 