will I be found out
that I’m not happy
will the tears
show through my eyes
they’re like a river
always rising
above the dam
exploding through
drowning seeds
pulling up dirt
mixing the foundation
to look murky
will the murkiness show
without me writing?
will the mask of happiness
become all I know?
time to go put on a show
who put the dam there anyway
sometimes people
only read
what they want
to hear
this move
moved me
in a saddened way
too much for words
but some words
revealed a state
too much for some
to handle
where friends were needed
but not always wanted
where cries were answered
by heaven’s yes
for those who looked away
through tougher times
thank you
for not putting me down
for those who called
to leave a message
thank you
for leaving your voice
for those who rose up
from out of nowhere
thank you
for being somewhere
in the end of now
I’m able to relate
because of what
I’ve gone through
or better yet
what “I’ve” put “myself” through
when you’re complete with God’s love
nothing else’s needed
when you know who you are
the mirror’s your friend
this move’s been a battle
that I’ve taken personally
but it’s not against “me”
it’s to tear down the Kingdom
but that’s not happening
not today
not tomorrow
not on MY watch
before I’m a mother
before I’m a wife
before I’m a friend
I’m a mighty woman of god
and this mighty woman
plans on winning every battle
because the Joy of the Lord
is my Strength
have you ever
wondered
if you’ll ever run out
of tears
of course I want to write
what everyone likes
and I want to like
everything I read
but we’re all different
our hearts
our minds
our thoughts
our intake
so being “all”
wouldn’t work
and to write what I know
what’s inside
seems wrong
so I’ve gotten married
this fairytale life
that plays out like
a nightmare
but I can’t explain it
maybe I’ll create a website
in secret
no name
no identity
just a heart
expressing out loud
is what I do
but expressing out loud
is what I “can’t” do
so all of me’s inside
sometimes hiding
always waiting
wondering
when tears will fall
I’m not here to make sense
I’m here to BE love
but in marriage
sometimes that seems
difficult
I’m not quite sure
which’s harder
letting go
or embracing
I love watching the light come
in the morning
in people’s eyes
in situations
it speaks of new beginnings
and sings of awakening
to rise
and shine
and give God the glory
is more than a song
it’s a way of life
one of my callings
will be writing
a book
about marriage
but if I wrote it
right now
it’d be about NOT
getting married
[written 7/10/16]
there’s something about laughter
that brings the enemy down
I picture laughter
sounding like
nails on a chalkboard
to the enemy
when we got to Texas
depression was heavy
lingering above us
dripping in our minds
one by one
we were silent
consumed with the sound
of the drip
one by one
we pulled out of it
and turned off
the spout
except Nathan
he’s been so sad
through it all
until last night
waiting at Denny’s for food
but being fed by Heaven
all it took
was one incident
and we were rolling!
F
O
R
E
V
E
R
abs sore
tears falling
laughter rising
Nathan came home
a different person
and Snapchat viewers
got a few laughs
I’d like to explain this poem a little. Continue reading
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 