I’m somewhere inside
I can feel it
but I’m still somewhere inside
watching life happen
without living it
no longer a prison
yet a mist
haven’t found my way out
not yet
sometimes wanting
to be alone
sometimes
wanting to scream
sometimes
holding back tears
always looking
for laughter
a reason to laugh
that’s all I need
I wonder if God’ll tell jokes
I feel like
when two become one
there’s a melding that “each one” does
to fit together
that’s not what’s happening
I feel like
I’m being broken apart
in tiny little pieces
to fit in “his” mold
why didn’t I get to choose
from my mind
from my heart
why was it from God’s heart
I feel cheated
now
living in Texas
no friends
no laughter
no
dancing
yet
it’s my
forever
whenever I feel “attacked”
I build a wall
for my protection
to keep people
out
the only problem is
it keeps me
in
last night
that wall came down
let me try to explain
how I feel
I’m in a cell
a prison inside
to my right
a comfy bed
satan sheets
a pillow of depression
a blanket of isolation
it looks so comfy
to my left
a gated door
shut but unlocked
waiting for me to walk thru
yet I stand there
the only way
through the door
is to step
the only way to step
is to speak
yet my voice feels lost
every once in awhile
I glance at the bed
[written 6/4/16]
do you
ever
have times
when
the words
grow
legs and
run
away faster
than
you can
catch
them?
[written 6/4/16]
how long will it take
to feel like mine
when the kids get their beds
when my art’s on the wall
is it a matter of time
or space
will it be when I unpack
or working again
is it losing control
or never having it
everything new
will become old
eventually
even these feelings
almost
every
rose bush
has
thorns
the art of surrendering
should be on display somewhere
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 