those who pass away
live on in your heart
and cross your mind
every day
when I make coffee
I think about Lee
when I snap my fingers
I think about Rob
when I iron
I think about Lee
when I see the bay
I think about Rob
multiple times
every day
they cross my mind
as if they’re walking around up there
it breaks my heart
to see relationships
without love
with the absence of love
there’s room for so much more
bitterness
resentment
silence
distance
heartache
but the moment love becomes present
the rest is covered
creative people
need space to create
space can be
room
time
place
support
without this space
there’s no room
there’s no time
there’s no place
there’s no support
which sometimes suffocates
art
Running
I love it so much
I know it’s not my identity
but now that I’m running
I feel I’ve found a lost part of me
the sound of my shoes
the rhythm of my breathing
the thoughts in my head
in my heart
the memories
the hopes
the plans
every thought positive
I just…love it
even when I’m slow
if I keep going
I’ll get there
never looking back
never losing track
simply moving
and afterwards
oh afterwards
I feel SO good
almost good enough
to keep going
someday…I will
sometimes I wish you could be inside me
inside my thoughts of all that He’s done
inside my tears as they well up
thankful
grateful
it’s more than going to church or reading His word
it’s understanding
it’s becoming
it’s living out loud where no voice is needed
it’s listening without judging
it’s loving without wanting
it’s speaking without yelling
if you could be inside me in moments like these
maybe you’d understand the way that I am
and who I want to be
wondering
where your life’s going
thinking
where life’s been
sometimes…overwhelming
but if I take each moment as
now
it’s much easier to breathe
now…
my coffee
my laptop
my heart
now…
recovery
exercise
my girls
now…
distance
football
my boys
now…
an ending
a beginning
a moment in time
time…
a life worth living
a living worth experiencing
an experience worth loving
each moment
spent with God
each breath
shared with Jesus
each thought
known by Him
living where I am
is my now
last night
I had a dream
one on One
with God
He talked to me
about writing
and what it does
for people
He told me the benefits
of writing for others
and the difference
of only writing to Him
He finally asked me
“what’re you gonna DO about it?”
I woke up
wanting to write
I will never
forget this dream
especially since
I’m writing it down
He sees
what not writing does to me
and I see
how much He cares
there’re some times
when I just feel damaged
I know it’s not true
that’s why I call it a feeling
but man
does it catch me offguard
and cause so many tears
who was I?
who am I?
is who I am caused by who I was?
is who I was covered by who I am?
listen to when I say
these are just moments
but as I was praying through this one
I felt called to write
since God hasn’t blessed me with NO memory
I’m stuck to deal with what comes my way
and this morning
as it was coming my way
I asked someone from my past
what was I like?
because honestly
I don’t remember much good
what comfort it brought me
to hear some good
but at the same time
I still felt damaged
but that’s when I trust
His word to wash my mind
as my tears wash my face
dreams
they come and go in the night
and seem lost in the day
how does one hold onto their dream?
encouragement
but where does that come from?
other people
but what if
those other people
are only focused on THEIR dreams
well then it stops
and that’s where each person’s left
to support their own dream
and that’s where passion fades
and competition rises
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