confusion
travels with
fear
and creates
doubt
which changes
direction
poetry
“Decorating”
there’s a certain decor
in the great scheme of life
if you don’t like the look
move the furniture
“Lyrics”
sometimes
smiles
hide the pain
sometimes
silence
hides the rage
sometimes
words
can’t say it all
sometimes
songs
only matter
before I lose my mind
on purpose
I wanna remember You
when life’s bridge
gives way
it’s You Who pulls me through
if there’s a beginning
then there’s an end
as each story’s written
there’s no need to pretend
just live each moment
and fill each day
with life’s precious memories
as part of the play
“And you He made Alive”
first part of a Scripture
and I can’t get past it
only few words
yet endless meaning
And you
He made
Alive
Alive
Alive to live not exist
Alive to experience not isolate
Alive to every moment not asleep
Alive to every thought not weak
Alive to discover not ignore
Alive
so live
to experience
every moment
take thoughts captive
and discover who
you’re living to be
it seems every thing in life
has a switch
it’s up to you to turn it
on or off
“Too much Too late”
You know how
You meet someone
Unattractive
Yet the more you get
To know them
The handsomer they become
What if you do things backwards
What if you marry someone
Attractive
Yet the more you get
To know them
The less handsome
They become?
What I thought I knew
Wasn’t
And what I’m finding out
Shouldn’t be
“In Between”
some things in life
aren’t making sense
and that irritates me
because some of them seem bad
yet I know Who God is
and I know His thoughts for me
yet I’m not seeing them
so is this the hallway?
so many doors on either side
but I’m to wait for the one in front of me
so I trust
and live
and ponder
this path
hoping
to walk through
and understand it all
“Useful Thoughts”
there’s a hope that I’ve been looking for
that’s been all the time in me
not in any one
or any thing around me
but in me
no matter what I choose
I’ll always have hope
there’re many things in life
had I known
I would’ve done differently
but if I’d done them differently
would I still have what I know?
there’s no use thinking ‘what if’
because all that’s happened
has come to be
but there’s use in thinking of today
because that will form your future
if you want change
you have to change
and part of that
is making decisions
“Bleeding”
through tough times
some friends wanna be
everything to you
and many send out words
of advice
before you realize it
arrows are piercing you
from every side
this morning was different
Salt, Death, and Flight
***
“you won’t find her flag
caught up or down the escalator
she’s gone
dancing in heaven”
That was a poem from my dream, written by Katie about me. It was a horribly, sad dream.
In it, I’d been trying like crazy to organize a trip for me, Katie, and Ariel, and all the packing was up to me.
After rushing like crazy to leave for the airport, Katie refused to go with me.
We were in this huge apartment building with many floors, that had the appearance of a mall. From one floor above, I saw her just sitting at a table, refusing to move. I hollared for her to hurry, but she just sat there and dumped (what looked like) five pounds of salt on the floor.
I was so angry.
As I went down to talk to her, she vanished, and I was left, standing in the salt, reading this poem she wrote. And all of a sudden, I realized the poem was about me and saw that no one could see me. At that moment, I realized I was dead.
***
Right then, the alarm woke me up. So badly, I wanted to fall back asleep and have a do-over for a new dream, a new memory, but I couldn’t, so I got up, crying.
It reminded me of this woman in recovery. She’s seen the pain I’ve gone through with Nathan leaving, and every time I see her, she asks how I’m doing with it.
Then, she asks about Katie, “Has she changed her mind yet about leaving?”
I always reply, “No, she’s still leaving.”
Then, she says, “What’re you going to do?? That’s gonna kill you!”
I often wonder why she says that but haven’t mentioned anything. Evidently, I dreamt about it.
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 