[written 10/13/16]

yesterday
here’s what made me cry
about Nathan

an “Applebee’s” sign
thinking about dinner
seeing a 13yr old boy

the sign
on the side of the freeway
a place Nathan’d wanted to go
but we never went

in Sam’s Club
wondering what to make
realizing Nathan wouldn’t be
sitting at the table

in Target
seeing a teenage boy
wearing a mask
posing for snapchat

really?
is this
how it’ll be

as it gets better
will I cry less
will I harden?

thank God
for the women in AA
who heard my heart
and handed me tissue