maybe I’m not writing so much
because life’s seems so depressing
and I write about life
even today
writing about Katie
now I can’t stop crying
does anyone care to realize
how this feels?
I know I’m “supernatural” and shouldn’t “feel”
but I DO
and I feel deeply
every word
every look
every silence
every laughter
every hug
every child
every moment
I feel
I “could be” farther along than I am
but if I focus on that
I’ll miss out on where I am
but it’s just hard not to notice
what keeps holding me back
a failing business
because I keep failing
a distant marriage
because we’re still strangers
kids that keep leaving
because they’re not happy
it’s like I’m reminded every day
of what’s not right
meaning most what I see
seems wrong
so I stay in God’s word and pray
worship through my heart
and dance
every chance I get
but how does that help?
it’s like I’m reminded every day
of what’s not right
meaning most what I see
seems wrong
still looking
still waiting
still hoping
still
it seems like
no one understands me
or maybe I
just don’t make any sense
although
listening does involve
asking questions
not just
giving answers
people think
you can’t change the past
but you can
by changing your self
you make the past
look different
but by staying the same
you become stagnant
and so does your past
You ever have those moments when all you want to do is write, yet nothing comes out? (sigh) I do. Lately, I have those moments A LOT, and for some reason, it hurts my heart. How can you tell? …the tears running down my face. 
So, today, my writing may be out-of-sorts (if it comes “out” at all).
I’m in this place
Where I’ve begun to hide
In plain sight
But in different places
It could be strategy
It could be dismantling
I’m not sure
It’s losing who I’ve been
Inside
And pretending what I’m not
Outside
I’m not worried
Just unsure
Faking so much
Forgetting what’s real
If I get lost
Will you find me
If I get lost
Will you look for me
I’ll be hidden inside
Where I know there’s still
Peace
Joy
Love
Hope
Hearing the faint cry of
“ready or not
here I come”
to be loved
is overrated
to be love
is sometimes difficult
to have love
is to have God
to experience love
is to be one with Him
this picture decribes my marriage
the light you see is hope
I blindly fell in love with him from a distance
through God’s heart
so when I came to live with him face to face
my eyes were opened to see
we had nothing in common
nothing to talk about
he had no goals for the kids
and treated me unkind
so love wasn’t an issue
it just wasn’t there
yet I’m married
so I’m here
and the more I get to know him
how it hurts to be married
nothing in common
nothing to talk about
but I’m here
marriage counseling
effort
and faith
are what I’m using
to create a love
that might last through the dark
There’s a place
only I can go
A place deep inside
Where nothing else matters
Open space
All alone
Standing or sitting
Waiting
Everywhere sprouting up
Decisions
That need to be made
Each one has roots
Whatever I choose
Will grow
Which makes it difficult
So i wait
Open space
All alone
The hard part
Is coming back
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 