It’s been a while

It’s been so long, I can’t even remember how long it’s been since I wrote on here.

You see, in 2018, I started my journey in online college courses and earned a bachelor’s degree in social work. In 2022, I graduated.

In 2020, I had breast cancer and kind of hated both worlds: physical and spiritual. I still wrote though.

In 2021, something happened that you’ll have to read in my book (it’s coming out next year).

And also in 2022, I began my journey in online classes to earn a master’s degree in social work, and that’s what’s eating up my time now, but I’m in the middle of homework, and something triggered a memory that I HAVE to get out, and I thought, “Where is it safe to write this?”

I used to write on Facebook, but that comes with a lot of judgment and unwanted therapy. I used to write on here, too, but somehow…just forgot. Well, here I am, and here it goes.

When I was a teenager, about the age of 16, I was living with my mom, who was a drug deeler/drug user. One time, I remember lying in bed, awake, but unable to move, and her boyfriend was having oral sex with me. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t talk. All I could do was lie there. Allthewhile, I heard my mother in the other room.

Did she know? I’ll never know. She passed away in 2018. I never would’ve asked her anyway. Like, who wants to know that!

Anyway, the most shameful part of it all was I enjoyed the feeling, and when I came out of it, I continued to have a relationship with him. Isn’t that disgusting? Anyway, that thought came up in the homework I was doing because the subject was about substances and date rape drugs were listed. I wonder what was used on me.

I went through life thinking that that and many other things like that that happened to me were my fault. I’m 51 years old now. I don’t believe that anymore, but still…some things come up in my mind and make me feel like shit. This was one of them.

Thanks for listening…