[written 10/29/16]
the road of recovery
is rest in the unknown
becoming who you are
forgetting who you were
when traveled alone
every inch
feels like a mile
but with friends
all of a sudden
you turn around
and realize you’ve walked
a marathon
[written 10/29/16]
I never realized
how important
laughter was
in my life
until I went
without it
now
I’m not sure
I can live
without it
so
I chase after it
just like I do
beauty
If you spend your whole life waiting to be included, then you may spend your whole life waiting to be included.
over time I’ve learned
if someone hurts me
over and over again
I guard my heart
with an iron wall
so what if that someone
decides to change
will their niceness
even make it
over the wall
in turning the other cheek
over and over again
you end up shaking your head
“no”
Sometimes, it’s easier praying for strangers than for people you know because when it’s people you know, you tend to want to ‘help God out’ by praying for what you “think” they need. Well, that happens to “me,” sometimes, and yesterday, something happened that made me wonder. Continue reading
happiness is a state of mind
and the only state i wanna live in
i can’t fake being happy
i can’t fake being sad
what you see is what you get
but i DO have a goal
to be more
i wanna be happy ALL the time
no matter what the circumstance
unless tragedy strikes of course
some say that’s impossible
but I say they’re wrong
from inside God’s heart
ALL things are possible
and looking inside God’s heart
there’s nothing to be unhappy about
making decisions creates a reality
and the way i react to that reality
can make a difference in the world
either good or bad
BE what you expect to see!
in having friends
you need to BE a friend
back when I was using drugs
a “connection” was my supplier
NOW it’s an invisible cord
woven together through conversations
while getting to know people
face to face
online
through text
and over the phone
there’s a difference between
knowing someone
and being known
and being known
takes conversation
You know what the hardest part about losing Nathan’s presence is? I can’t “see” him every day. Yes, with technology, that’s possible, but he doesn’t have WiFi, and I can’t afford data for him, so even if he took a selfie every day, he wouldn’t be able to send it without data. (Thanks, iPhone!)
I know I’m whining, but my soul hurts, and I’m not sure what to do with that. Since he’s been gone, only a couple people’ve asked how I’m doing, but because I’ve never gone through this, I’m not sure if I’m handling it well or not.
All I know is…
I miss him.
I cry multiple times a day.
I haven’t found a very happy ending.
I feel less than as a mom.
I feel like years have been stolen.
But I don’t want to be so lost in feelings that I miss my time with Carolyn and Katie, so I plan to spend the rest of the day through my spirit.
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 