You know what the hardest part about losing Nathan’s presence is? I can’t “see” him every day. Yes, with technology, that’s possible, but he doesn’t have WiFi, and I can’t afford data for him, so even if he took a selfie every day, he wouldn’t be able to send it without data. (Thanks, iPhone!)
I know I’m whining, but my soul hurts, and I’m not sure what to do with that. Since he’s been gone, only a couple people’ve asked how I’m doing, but because I’ve never gone through this, I’m not sure if I’m handling it well or not.
All I know is…
I miss him.
I cry multiple times a day.
I haven’t found a very happy ending.
I feel less than as a mom.
I feel like years have been stolen.
But I don’t want to be so lost in feelings that I miss my time with Carolyn and Katie, so I plan to spend the rest of the day through my spirit.