Somewhat of a Mess Every Day

You know what the hardest part about losing Nathan’s presence is? I can’t “see” him every day. Yes, with technology, that’s possible, but he doesn’t have WiFi, and I can’t afford data for him, so even if he took a selfie every day, he wouldn’t be able to send it without data. (Thanks, iPhone!)

I know I’m whining, but my soul hurts, and I’m not sure what to do with that. Since he’s been gone, only a couple people’ve asked how I’m doing, but because I’ve never gone through this, I’m not sure if I’m handling it well or not.

All I know is…
I miss him.
I cry multiple times a day.
I haven’t found a very happy ending.
I feel less than as a mom.
I feel like years have been stolen.

But I don’t want to be so lost in feelings that I miss my time with Carolyn and Katie, so I plan to spend the rest of the day through my spirit.

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5 thoughts on “Somewhat of a Mess Every Day

  1. I’m sorry to hear that. I hope each and every one of you are hanging on and continuing on; something will figure out. Maybe you can write letters… Send him some paper and some stamped addressed envelopes so he can pop something into the mail. Send something to him, too; you know how fun it is and how important you feel when you get a personal letter in the mail. Hoping the best for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s just beyond crazy. We should be raising both our standards and our expectations for the society of children we’re raising, not lowering them — our generations will know less and less, as that occurs.

    Liked by 1 person

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