it’s not the fact that
darkness lies
darkness lies
it’s the fact that

at times

I believe them

but writing them down
seems to throw them
in fire
and all that’s left
is ashes


Isn’t it funny (but not) how what’s going on on the outside can affect the inside and how what’s going on on the inside can affect the outside?! I think the secret is living inside out.

“Do You See What I See?”

I know you don’t
because when I look in the mirror
I cry

I see my profile
my weight
my self
and I cry

I just want someone
to see me
from the outside

each profile
from the neck down
from the neck up
from the front
the back
the sides
and tell me that
I’m beautiful

but convince me

or deliver me from
the darkness
that tells lies

“What’s Left Behind”

it’s more than just
moving away
it’s not being able to kiss him in the morning
it’s not being able to see him at the table
it’s not being able to hug him
it’s not being able to know he’s there
it’s more than just
moving away


right now in my life
there’re a few phrases
that turn my stomach
and if chewed and swallowed
would come back up

‘God has a plan’
‘everything happens for a reason’
‘kids’d move out anyway’
‘just give it time’

to name a few

I refuse to believe
my whole life was planned out


some things resulted from
bad choices
which led to darkened paths
not chosen by God
but chosen by me
or others

and although I’ve been
there still remains a trail
of broken families
broken dreams
broken ness

maybe mending
takes a lifetime
maybe dreams
are meant forgotten

I made the mistake of
fantasizing reality
which led to a
rude awakening
but at least I’m awake
and at least
I’m still trying