“Backstage”

[written 10/17/16]

there aren’t many people
who’d beat their spouse
in front of company

there aren’t many bullies
who’d pick on kids
in front of teachers

there aren’t many parents
who’d toss their kids
in public

yet so many times
people trust
a smile
an attitude
a picture

when behind the scenes
behind closed doors
people are worn
to nothingness

and yet they
smile
and act
and pose
to mask the pain

let’s wake up
to those around us

instead of guessing
what’s behind the curtain
get to know the cast
and be part of their solution

Cold Front

Lately, I’ve experienced a lot of change, but the other night, someone else did, and it wasn’t good.

Since Scott’s picked us up from San Diego and brought us to Texas, there’s been barely any laughter, mainly because he’s been a totally different person than the man I married (and not in a good way). The oppression was intense, but I, finally, made it through it with the help of God, my AA friends, and laughter. Continue reading

Polished to Shine

[written 10/14/16]

Recently, I was accused of holding Carolyn and Nathan here against their will. Of course, that’s not true, but instead of wasting my time explaining myself to the few who’ve interfered with my life, I’m going to tell you what’s going on with Carolyn, so you can see for yourself how she’s shined. Continue reading

“Lead and Follow”

[written 10/14/16]

sometimes
there’s music in my head
I sing with
sometimes
there’s music in my heart
I dance with
sometimes
there’s music in my soul
I sleep with

there’re no limits to what you can do
only limits to what you “think” you can do

“Coconut Water”

[written 10/14/16]

stranded
on an island
in your mind

no one
around you
no one
to care
no one
to rescue you
no one
to rescue

have you been there?
did you know how to
swim?

that’s when you learn
the trees can talk
the birds can sing
and the waves can carry on
the conversation

if you look closely
you’ll see God everywhere!

“Ketchup”

[written 10/14/16]

(funniest title EVER!! I’m dying laughing!!! most of the time, my titles come from God, but I’m not sure about THIS one…as they say in AA: keep coming back!)

I’ve never felt so far behind
in revealing my heart
so much I want to tell you
so much I have to hide
as I catch up with you
I’ll be writing A LOT
but then there’ll be days
of silence
where I’ll ponder what’s in front of me
and examine what’s been behind
nowhere to go
but inside
where God waits to be released

“Through the Window”

[written 10/14/16]

you know what I love about being open?
you see the good times and bad

you see the moments
that’ve made me laugh
and the quicksand of tears
that’ve pulled me under

you see life being lived
and some death of myself

you’ve seen
depression
adventure
struggle
joy

I don’t mind being me and living where I am
it was those moments of wanting to die
that bothered me so

people need love
so why not be it wherever I go

there’re those who hate God
and those who seek Him
or something at least
and the aroma of His love
is the fragrance that’ll draw
people closer to His heart

“First Day Sadness”

[written 10/13/16]

yesterday
here’s what made me cry
about Nathan

an “Applebee’s” sign
thinking about dinner
seeing a 13yr old boy

the sign
on the side of the freeway
a place Nathan’d wanted to go
but we never went

in Sam’s Club
wondering what to make
realizing Nathan wouldn’t be
sitting at the table

in Target
seeing a teenage boy
wearing a mask
posing for snapchat

really?
is this
how it’ll be

as it gets better
will I cry less
will I harden?

thank God
for the women in AA
who heard my heart
and handed me tissue