“New Generation”

by Nathan’s age: 15
I had already been having sex and was drinking
by Carolyn’s age: 19
I had already had one abortion, one child, and was married
by Katie’s age: 25
I had been stripping/selling my body…jail…divorce
by Kyle’s age: 28
I had quit dancing but was way strung out in so many ways

at age 32
I found God
at age 33
I found sobriety
at age 37
I found my worth
at age 42
I found true freedom

almost on a daily basis
I’m reminded how I’ve changed the course
my kids are nothing like
who I used to be
and are growing more into
what I’m like now
yet still holding on
to their own uniqueness

I never have to worry
about my kids turning out like who I was
because I walked into that church at 32
it changed their lives
it changed my life
and in the end
it helped change the lives of others
because I stay on this path with God

Regretting the Past

“Don’t regret the past!”; I hear that time and time again, but you know what? I DO have something in my past I regret: not taking the time to visit my mom BEFORE she got sick.

When I found out she wasn’t doing well, I “finally” drove out there to see her, but by the time I got there, she was a different woman.

The mom I saw wasn’t the mom I remembered, yet now, it’s the only memory I have. At any given moment, when I think about her, I see her slumped in the hospital bed, struggling to breath, barely able to speak.

IMG_20180422_112020_233

That’s the memory I have now.

As I walk through the healing of all this, I plan to write, so I hope you’re ready to read.

If you’d like to help me cremate her, click here.

“Church-Hopping”

life was never confusing for her
she stumbled threw it quite easily
having never known “right”
she never noticed wrong
until that one day

as she looked at her kids
she wondered what to do
so they wouldn’t turn out like her

frantically
she searched within
to find out what was missing
but it wasn’t what
it was “Who”

God had not been sought

of course that was it!
without Him
life had been full of drugs
alcohol
cussing
and more

but how does one get God for her kids?
thus began the “church-hopping”
she’d hopped enough bars in her lifetime
now to the houses of God

one by one she sat
until finally at rest
but as she tried to ‘get God for her kids’
she ran into Him herself
but it took a while
for her to step INTO His heart

comfort was a place in chaos
love had been a place in bed
honor and respect were never spoken
and peace had been torment

how do you grow out of hell that’s normal
how do you receive a life void of drama
if wrong seems right
then right will seem wrong

eventually
Good prevailed in her heart
and what once was lost
has been recreated in time
never to be misplaced again

RECOVERY JOKES!!

[Last night, I shared about when I was an alcoholic, was using meth, and was selling my body. Then, I told THIS joke!]

There’s an alcoholic, a meth user, and a prostitute in the car. Who’s driving?
*
*
*
The Police!



A group of drinking buddies went deer hunting. They split up into pairs for the day. That night, one hunter came staggering back to camp alone, half-bombed and dragging an eight-point buck.

The others said, “Where’s Harry?”

“Oh, he passed out, a couple miles back up the trail.”

“What? You left Harry lying out there alone and carried the deer back?”

“A tough call,” admitted the marksman, “but I figured, who’s gonna steal Harry?”



An old-timer comes home from his home group meeting, gets ready for bed, and is on his knees saying his evening prayers.

He’s in the middle of his “God blesses” saying “God bless the guy who says the same thing no matter what the topic, God bless George, God bless the ‘cake lady,’ God bless . . . ” suddenly he pauses and looks up.

Then says, “You know God. I wonder if there is AA in heaven. If there isn’t AA in heaven, I don’t know if I want to go there. These folks are so important to me, I don’t want to spend eternity without them.”

There’s a bolt of lightening and a loud clap of thunder and then the old timer hears a voice saying, “I have good news and bad news.
The good news is, there IS AA in heaven.
The bad news is, “You’re speaking tomorrow night.”



Why aren’t people in recovery good dancers?
*
*
*
They lose interest after twelve steps.



“Alcohol Warnings”

Due to increasing products liability litigation, beer manufacturers have accepted the FDA’s suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you’re whispering when you’re not.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.



[Okay, this one will (probably) only make sense to those who’ve read the big book. Trust me: it’s HILARIOUS!!]

A girl working with her sponsor asked “Where can I read about my sex problems?”

Sponsor said, “That’s covered on page 69.”

Later at home, the page number got jumbled. As she tried to remember, she turned to page 96 for her sex problems.

“Do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer. We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you.”



 

“The Last Dance”

[1/9/17]

what is normal
anyway

what is normal
anyway

she sought her own
way away
and in the club
she saw

who she wasn’t
but who she needed
to be

that first shift
came with endless
drinks
a vicious circle
never meant to be

every hello
came with a compliment
every tip
came with a touch

something needed
something wanted
something more

a vicious circle
never meant to be

day after day
shift after shift
drink after drink

who was God
anyway

who was God
anyway

the darkest road
without an end
but just maybe there was
maybe there was

one by one
things removed
dancing stopped
drugs ran out
and step by step
led to recovery

just me with Him
to find me

Other People’s Memories

The problem with marrying someone from your past is that that someone “knows” your past, sometimes better than you do. Anyway, last night was a rough night.

It started out well because Scott and I practiced talking and did so for about two hours. If the word “practice” throws you off, it’s because for the last six months, we’ve, probably, barely talked two hours TOTAL, which makes for a very long six months, especially when you count the days, but we seem to be on the healing side of it.

After our talk, we went to the store to pick up a couple things for the girls. They were at The Prelude, so we wanted to be back before they got home. On the way, our talking continued but didn’t go so well. Continue reading

“Connections”

in having friends
you need to BE a friend

back when I was using drugs
a “connection” was my supplier
NOW it’s an invisible cord
woven together through conversations
while getting to know people

face to face
online
through text
and over the phone

there’s a difference between
knowing someone
and being known
and being known
takes conversation