“Nauseated”

right now in my life
there’re a few phrases
that turn my stomach
and if chewed and swallowed
would come back up

like
‘God has a plan’
‘everything happens for a reason’
‘kids’d move out anyway’
‘just give it time’

to name a few

I refuse to believe
my whole life was planned out

drugs
alcohol
rape

some things resulted from
bad choices
which led to darkened paths
not chosen by God
but chosen by me
or others

and although I’ve been
forgiven
there still remains a trail
of broken families
broken dreams
broken ness

maybe mending
takes a lifetime
maybe dreams
are meant forgotten

I made the mistake of
fantasizing reality
which led to a
rude awakening
but at least I’m awake
and at least
I’m still trying