every time I think I’ve found me
she’s gone again
and then I’m challenged
to be the me that people see
but what does that look like?

at times, I break down crying
tired of moving forward
but won’t stand still
is that the me they wanna see?

at times, I act as if nothing’s wrong
hiding inside so no one will see
what I’m thinking
what I’m feeling
how I’m doing
is that the me they wanna see?

at times, I think I’m silly
for ever worrying about anything
that the me I’m supposed to be
shouldn’t do that
is that the me they wanna see?

I used to wake up smiling
ready to tackle the day
now, I just stare at nothing
and wonder how I’ll get up
is that the me they wanna see?

when I think about me
I think about God
and how deep inside His heart I am
that’s the me that everyone sees

but she feels
she doubts
she cries
she disconnects
she wonders
she overcomes
she loves
all inside His beautiful heart
where she finds herself
every day

My Past Makes Me a Whore?

I just saw a disturbing post. It was about a woman who has “a past,” and because of “her past,” they’re calling her a whore.

As much as I wanted to defend her, I couldn’t because political bullying is intense, so I’ll speak in my own defense.

According to this post that I saw…
My past makes me a whore

I used to be a stripper
That makes me a whore
I used to sell my body
I’m not one to be honored
My one-night-stands are countless
I must be a slut

You see
I know that’s not true
But why do people spew it?
Why do they tear down the present
With the past?

I know I’m a woman of integrity
Who deserves to be honored
The past will NEVER define me
Nor should it define anyone else

“Not By Sight”

I haven’t done this in awhile
eyes closed
heart open
writing a poem
without distraction

as my fingers dance among the keys
I focus to see who I am

I am HIS
a child of God
blooming in every season
just like
when the rain pours down on the flowers
they may look sad
and gloomy
drooping beneath the weight
of every drop
but as the sun comes out
the flowers stand
and dance in the wind

that’s how I feel

even if the weather takes it ts toll
I remain
even if my appearance changes
my heart stays the same
perfect in HIM
my Creator
my Lover
my Everlasting Hope
my Smile
my Life

who am I?
I am HIS

not an alcoholic
not a prostitute
not a drug addict
not a mother
not a wife

I am HIS
a child of God
a daughter of the King
a vessel of His Spirit
I am HIS

“Missing Persons”

every day
I break down
at least once

there’s been this sense of
of responsibility

one less mouth to feed
one less child to wake
less clothes to wash
one less attitude to correct
one less

clearly I found
part of my identity
in being a mom

so if you find that part of me
let me know

“Straight Up”

[written on 5/8/16]

sometimes people say
they’re going through a process
to justify their behavior
that doesn’t resemble Christ

sometimes people hold on
to their bad habits
to balance them
as if Jesus wasn’t enough

sometimes people water down
the Truth
so what they’re doing
looks good in Him

I’ve been ALL these people
blinded in the church

if you take offense
that’s YOUR choice
this doesn’t speak of all
just some

I’m no longer a “weak” believer

I no longer sing ‘when I fall’
but ‘if’

I no longer sing ‘bound to sin’
I’ve been freed

I no longer sing ‘when I’m dry’
living waters flow through me

I no longer say ‘I’ll never be perfect’
because Jesus tells me to be
so I grow

hearing leads to listening
listening leads to believing
believing leads to following
following leads to becoming
becoming is freedom

“Flush it Out”

so many people offended
by bathrooms
by prayer dates
as if we need a “day” to pray

look beyond the bathrooms
into the hearts
do you realize
people are changing into
who they want to be
because who they are
isn’t right to them

can you imagine
not loving yourself the way you are
so intently
that you have a surgery to change

finding identity in labels
instead of in Him

do you think Jesus died
for only those…
do you think He died
for everyone but…

oppression: mental pressure or distress
remember who the enemy is

look past the restroom
look past the calendar
and declare the victory
that’s been won