I lead a ministry at the Rock Church in San Diego called “JC’s Girls,” and we go to strip clubs and porn conventions and love on the ladies, and beyond that, we live our lives through God’s heart. Every day…reaching out.
What Our Ministry is About
As a leader, I’ve been loved, supported, prayed for, judged, talked about, challenged…there’s probably more, but thank God…I only care what He thinks, so I’m going to pour out my heart for a moment.
Wow! That could be a title for any day, but it sure has a special meaning for me today. Before I opened my eyes, before I woke up, I heard ‘Happy Birthday’ from God. I love God so much, and how much He’s changed me is miraculous! I’m glad He made me, saved me, restored me, loved me on purpose.
Throughout the years, different dates have grabbed my attention: my sobriety date, my born again date, etc, but this year, my birth date is more precious to me than any of those. I’ve thought about God’s purpose, and what I mean by that is that He created me on purpose. He chose the twenty-first of January as my entrance into the world. Even more so than that, He chose the mother to knit me inside of: Denise Holt.
Mom, thank you for being a vessel of God’s love. I am so glad that God chose you, that God chose your womb, as a secret place for me to be formed in. In you, He created my laugh. In you, He created my heart that loves so deeply. In you, He created my smile with an everlasting joy in His heart. In you, He created me, and I am so glad He chose YOU to be my mommy. I wish all my friends could meet you. I wish I could see you. I miss you. I love you. And I’m determined to wrap my arms around you this year. I don’t know “how” it will happen. I just know it WILL.
Yesterday in the park, God just brought people to me. I don’t know why it amazes me every time. It’s so His Character. He wants people to experience His nonjudgmental Love.
As soon as I sat down, I met a woman named Sandy. She was from Oakland (naturally blessed because she’s a Raiders fan). We began talking about her dog, her visit, her kids, and I told her what I do in the park daily. She liked that. Then, she opened up.
She told me that just the other day, she woke up with the thought that she’s wasted her life, that she hadn’t done well with the time that God had given her. I spoke into her heart how much God loves her, and that it’s never to late. When I asked if she’d like prayer for anything, she mentioned her son, who has an incurable sickness going on. Guess where he lives? Imperial Beach. I offered to go to him to pray over him. She said in surprise, “You’d do that?” I said, “Of Course!” She took my phone number for him. I hope he calls.
After I prayed for her, a homeless man named Dan came up. He was commenting on Sandy’s dog. I asked him questions about his life, his homelessness, his dog. At one point, he served our country oversees. As he was sharing, he stated that it was most important for him to feed his wife, his dog, and then himself. He showed me the food he’d found in the dumpster. He said, “People throw away perfectly good food all the time.” I offered him the candy canes I had in my pocket, but he said he needed to watch his figure.
He let me know where they sleep in the park. I’ll be walking with a friend today, so I’ll see if we can go visit them. God is so good! He loves so deeply, so uniquely. I love that he always has me around dogs. He’s softening my heart towards them, and it’s working.
Sometimes, I make the kids laugh, but last night, I had the little ones cracking up. Here’s why:
Yesterday, as I was heading out on my lunch break, I asked the Holy Ghost where to walk. Then, I set off with the heartbeat of Jesus as my pace. I was telling Him I wanted to look like Him, talk like Him, hear like Him, smell like Him…I wanted to attract like He would.
As I walked on this one path, I started praying against twisted mindsets and saw two squirrels, so I decided to stop and talk to them. (This is where the kids started cracking up.) I told the squirrels, “Jesus is Lord.” Then I thought, “You probably already knew that.” From behind, I heard the crackling of leaves under footsteps. I realized I was talking to squirrels, so I turned to walk away, but this gentleman was approaching me, so I turned back around to meet him.
Within a minute, he told me that he had just suffered two heart attacks within a week. I was so excited that Holy Ghost had brought him on that path. I listened to him explain what had happened, how two stents were put in, how this had been the first time he’d been out and about since.
I asked him if I could pray for him. He said yes but stopped me to let me know that he didn’t believe in anything, that he was very “spiritual” but didn’t believe in Jesus, Buddha or anything else, but he said, “You can pray in whatever energy you believe.” I said, “I believe Jesus is Lord, and whether you believe or not, He’s still Lord. You don’t have to believe in anything. It’s me believing in my heart and praying through faith that will bring healing.” I touched his heart and prayed. Afterward, he said, “That’s good energy.”
He explained how his name was Michael because his mom had named him after the archangel. He thanked me, and we went our separate ways.
Later, I was blessed to pray for a woman who had the habit of putting everyone else first but hadn’t been caring about herself. I love how God cares so much to teach everyone their worth. She said that she’s always been protective of others but never protected herself. God touched her heart in an amazing way!
God loves so deeply. I can’t even imagine living apart from His Love.
On Wednesday, a woman asked if I’d be willing to pray for a young man who wanted to get off heroine. Of course I was willing, so yesterday, the three of us went walking in the park, and God did some amazing things (of course), and it all started with a little joy.
As I was getting ready for work, I had an outfit planned out, and at the last moment, God informed me of wearing something totally different, so I did. I wore jeans, a green plaid shirt, and a white tank-top. That doesn’t “seem” important, but it is. I don’t “normally” dress like that. It was something I wore once to a country-western thing, but God knew what He was doing.
At lunchtime, I was on the street, looking for my friends (not knowing what the vehicle looked like). I spotted a young man who was sitting in the passenger seat who glanced my way, so I knew it was him and started walking toward the van. He got out with really no expression on his face. As my friend walked around from the other side of the van, I saw what she was wearing: jeans, a red plaid shirt, and a white tank-top. I laughed so loud (and if you know me, you KNOW my laugh was LOUD). And guess what my laugh did…put a smile on the young man’s face.
Not only did it put a smile on his face but out came a giggle. God is so creative!! His love for this young man was so strong that He changed my outfit to have me match my friend, “knowing” that it would crack me up and bring a smile to his face, so our meeting started out with an overflow of Joy. How amazing is that!
God is amazing! His truth demolishes heroine’s assignment. His love covers all sin. He holds no record. We all have a created value. It’s just about learning it, believing it, and knowing it. When THAT created value becomes our identity, THAT’s what scares the devil; he’s freaked out that we will someday KNOW who we are and what we’re here to do. Well, for me, that day has come. Yay, God!
Christmas morning was so amazing that I wanted to capture the moment “as we were,” which included no teeth.
I posted this on Facebook and had no idea of how it would affect me. Well, now, I know.
Evidently, I have found my identity in the way I “look,” instead of who I am in the Cross, so as I post this picture on this website, I’m letting go of my physical identity and grabbing hold of every truth of Jesus.
Every year, my ex-husband helps me out financially to buy the kids gifts (and pay bills). This year, I had the feeling I spent a little extra. See, I don’t balance a checkbook because there isn’t much to balance. I don’t have any debt. I don’t have any credit cards. I own my car, so all of my income goes for the general bills, rent, food, gas, and what I bring in is less than what I pay out. That’s why I make and sell worship flags.
…back to overspending. The first is just around the corner, so I should’ve really been checking my bank account balance, but you know…sometimes it’s easier NOT to look. When I look, fear seems to creep in. When I don’t look, trust keeps a hold of me, so I hadn’t looked. Here was my plan: I’ll look AFTER the dump; that way, whatever money I had would seem like a fortune. Well, I decided not to look.
On Friday, I came home to give Katie a ride to work. As she sat down to drive, I asked, “Did the mail come?” She said, “Yeah.” I asked, “Was there a check?” She said, “No. Were you expecting one?” I said, “No. I NEED one though.” …no comment.
Yesterday, Katie brings the mail up, hands me an envelope, and says, “Maybe it’s your check.” I opened it, and guess what was inside? …A CHECK FOR $300!! It was a gift from a woman in Florida whom I had eaten breakfast with earlier in the year. I’ve only met her once, but we’ve kept in contact. This was the second time her and her husband had sent me money in response to God’s beckoning: Jehovah Jireh!
Do you know what the neatest part is? Now, the kids expect it. I love that they are growing up seeing God provide for us over and over again. Now, we’ll have enough for rent, and I just ordered more material to make more flags. God is so amazing! Jesus is so personal! Holy Ghost is always listening! Yay, God!
Have you ever been paralyzed by fear? On Christmas Eve, I found myself paralyzed by love.
As most of you know, throughout the years, God has been restoring a beautiful bond between me and my kids. This year, there has been an acceleration. One very important holiday to my kids is Christmas, especially Christmas Eve.
When Katie, my twenty-two year old, heard me talking about taking Christmas to the people of the dump in Mexico, she said (in anger), “We’ll just have Christmas Eve without you!” I said, “Katie, I’ll be back in time for us to be together in the evening.” That seemed to diffuse the bomb, so it was VERY important for me to get back in time.
It’s not that we DO anything special. We’re just together, so I was needing to be back in the evening, the earlier the better. And this is the best part: we all go to sleep at the same time in the same room. We fall asleep giggling, talking, laughing, planning out our morning, etc. And we all wake up in the same way: talking, giggling, laughing…it’s the earliest my kids EVER wake up together. We walk out into the living room together. We’re just “together.”
So, I “thought” I trusted God and headed to Mexico. The plan was to leave the dump at 3:30 pm. Well, the plan changed. The Tecate border wouldn’t let our bus pass through. The Otay border wouldn’t let our bus pass through. Each time took hours because once we heard we couldn’t get through, we had to turn around and go through customs to enter back into America. The third border, San Ysidro, let us through. This was a great joy to everyone but me.
By this time, it was 2 pm. We would barely make it to the dump by 3 pm, so our 3:30 departure was out of the question. Now, it was a play-it-by-ear schedule. I had a decision to make: I would either cross the border on foot back into America, grab the trolley, and make it back to my kids, or I would board the bus and head to the dump. I was literally standing at the ramp. All of me wanted to turn around and be love for my kids, and all of me wanted to journey forward and be love to the lost. I wept. I was, without a doubt, paralyzed by love.
Janel grabbed hold of me and began to pray. She promised to get me back to the border. She wanted me to go forward to the dump. As she prayed, I wept. Just remembering it is bringing me to tears. I made a choice and stepped onto the bus.
God had a plan, and I was in it. I enjoyed serving Him at the dump and made it back in time for my kids. That night, we all went to bed at the same time in the same room and talked, giggled, laughed. Even Nathan said, “I wish we could talk all night.” It was so precious. I love these moments because they remind me that there isn’t any room for a man in my life. The coolest part is that we all woke up at the same time but were all lying there because we didn’t know if the others were awake. Then, Kyle spoke…then Katie…then Nathan…then me…and then Carolyn.
I love my God. I love my kids. I love my life. I love my story. I love that God is holding the pen and doesn’t have any reason to set it down. I am yielded to Him. At times, I experience loneliness, but I have my prayer warriors who lift me out of that.
A few months ago, I made friends with a man that is TOTALLY opposite of me: I’m a Raider fan – he’s a Charger fan; I love Jesus – he does not; I love the supernatural – he loves science fiction; I don’t watch TV – he does; I’m waiting for a husband – he has a husband…do you get the picture? We’re opposite, but we’ve become friends.
A few weeks ago, we were joking around about being friends, and he said, “Laura, I’m not a PROJECT to you, am I?” I said, “Of course not! You’re my friend.” Since then, it’s made me think.
Have I ever made people “projects” instead of friends? Is that what “Christians” do sometimes? I loved hearing from God through my friend!
Jesus didn’t die for “some” people. He died for ALL! When you hear about a pedophile, do you become angry, or do you remember that that person has so much value that Jesus died for them? When you read about ISIS, do you remember that Jesus died for them and pray for their souls, or do you fuel those around you with hate, disgust, revenge? When a parent if beating their child on film, do you feed anger, go out to lunch with it, make it your friend, or does your heart fill with compassion because there’s one more lost soul?
Jesus died for ALL. I want to spread HIS Love, not my anger. I want to live through HIS Heart, not my opinion. I want to stand on HIS Truth, not the media. There’s so much life to be lived, so much love to be spread, so much truth to behold, and so much God to go around!!
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 