My son, Kyle, has a dream of someday either being an NFL coach of a team or owning one. On Saturday, his dream began with his first coaching position of my other son, Nathan’s, team. I was one proud momma!
When I post about my kids, it may seem odd, but if you lived inside my heart, you’d understand. When my older two were little, I oppressed them with a darkness that’s hard to fathom: Continue reading
Inside of almost every card, a heart is revealed, especially if the cards are made just for you. On my birthday, my kids each gave me a birthday card, and I’d like to reveal to you the hearts that I found inside each one. Continue reading
I lead a ministry at the Rock Church in San Diego called “JC’s Girls,” and we go to strip clubs and porn conventions and love on the ladies, and beyond that, we live our lives through God’s heart. Every day…reaching out.
What Our Ministry is About
As a leader, I’ve been loved, supported, prayed for, judged, talked about, challenged…there’s probably more, but thank God…I only care what He thinks, so I’m going to pour out my heart for a moment.
I am just in awe of Who God is. I’m sitting here weeping and cannot stop. I like to share my intimate moments with you because there may be someone out there who isn’t having them who needs to hear the hope that they do happen.
I was just sitting here thinking about my birthday and how loved I felt, but it wasn’t just love that was felt because of my birthday, I feel so loved every day. I’ve learned to hang around with people who “like” me. I no longer try to “force” myself into anyone’s life, and it has brought me so much freedom. Continue reading
Wow! That could be a title for any day, but it sure has a special meaning for me today. Before I opened my eyes, before I woke up, I heard ‘Happy Birthday’ from God. I love God so much, and how much He’s changed me is miraculous! I’m glad He made me, saved me, restored me, loved me on purpose.
Throughout the years, different dates have grabbed my attention: my sobriety date, my born again date, etc, but this year, my birth date is more precious to me than any of those. I’ve thought about God’s purpose, and what I mean by that is that He created me on purpose. He chose the twenty-first of January as my entrance into the world. Even more so than that, He chose the mother to knit me inside of: Denise Holt.
Mom, thank you for being a vessel of God’s love. I am so glad that God chose you, that God chose your womb, as a secret place for me to be formed in. In you, He created my laugh. In you, He created my heart that loves so deeply. In you, He created my smile with an everlasting joy in His heart. In you, He created me, and I am so glad He chose YOU to be my mommy. I wish all my friends could meet you. I wish I could see you. I miss you. I love you. And I’m determined to wrap my arms around you this year. I don’t know “how” it will happen. I just know it WILL.
This is my friend from the bus stop outside of my work. When I first met him a few months ago, he was grumpy. Look at him now!!
Since the first day I met him, what’s happened?
He let me bless him.
He let me pray over him.
Prayers were answered…freaked him out.
He almost died.
He was placed in a home.
He believes in God.
Transformation.
Over time, I’ve talked with him, laughed with him, loved him. We’ve become friends. He is the sweetest man! He used to be grumpy. Now, he’s not. I never know when I will catch him at the bus stop. Yesterday, I was so happy and surprised to see him, and he felt the same way about seeing me. I rarely have my phone on me at work, so after we talked for a little, I ran in and grabbed my friend to take a picture of us. I’m so glad because in case I never see him again, I will always have this picture!
Yesterday, the neatest things happened. (I love how the “neatest things” happen daily. It makes the morning so exciting.) It all started on the way to work in my prayer time.
In the early morning, I heard a pastor sharing about his amazing time with God in his bedroom with the door closed, kneeling, laying before Jesus…just a sweet time. The first reaction in my heart was ‘I wish I had my own room.’ (I share a room with my kids.) Anyway, I continued on with my morning and left for work.
As I was driving down the road, listening to worship, I began praying. I was thanking God for the cross…all that was accomplished. All of a sudden, my knees began burning with this cooling sensation, like Icy Hot. It was amazing! Immediately, I KNEW it was God, so I shut off the CD, turned off my ear piece, tossed my phone and started thanking Him, and I asked Him what it was for. He explained.
God revealed to me that kneeling isn’t the position of your body; it’s the position of your heart, and the way I was communing with Him at that moment was the expression of the kneeling of my heart. I was undone. He told me more, but those things are private…just between me and Him. (By the way, the burning in my knees last two hours!)
I was just enjoying His Presence, arrived near work, parked, and started walking. I was having the best time with Him. As I was walking down the sidewalk, I made eye contact with a homeless man named Rick.
At first, he was hesitant to reveal his name, but after I told him mine, he softened. He extended his hand as if to shake mine and stopped. He said he didn’t want to get my germs and didn’t want to give me his, so we fist pounded. [Will I ever feel comfortable doing that?]
He went on to tell me that he didn’t want to get sick, that he had enough problems with arthritis and COPD. I said, “Hey, God loves you and wants to get rid of that. Can I pray for you?” He started crying. He said, “Forget that. Pray for the alcohol to leave.” I melted, literally. I knelt at his feet and listened. He poured out his heart, the oppression, the strong hold he was trapped in. I just listened.
Right then, a resident came down the stairs to leave and said hi to Rick. Rick called him by name and said hi back. (He must’ve been a regular on those steps.) Rick was telling him what was going on and how I was praying for him, and he said something funny, which made me laugh. He said, “But I don’t like her laugh though.” It was hilarious. I told him my laugh is like tequila: you either love it or hate it. He smiled.
As I was praying, he was weeping. It was an amazing encounter with God. We said good-bye, and I went on to work. As I was walking with God, it dawned on me: I just got to “kneel” at his feet. It was just a cool realization of kneeling in my heart and kneeling on the ground. God is so good!
I love it when I’m able to “feel” God’s touch, and I’m glad I don’t “need” that to know He’s there. I don’t “need” a room with the door closed. I need an open heart with eyes ready to see all that God wants to do. No one can take away what I have with Him. Actually, even the loneliness has gone away. I’m taken. I’m loved. I’m favored. I’m used. Hallelujah!
Lately, it seems like I’ve been attempting to make my own plans without checking with God, but it doesn’t look like I ever have to worry because God will move things around to get me right where He wants me to be. If I’m walking with Him closely every day, everywhere is a good place to be. On Saturday, my place was at the dump.God’s Play Date: 1/10/15
Lately, it seems like I’ve been attempting to make my own plans without checking with God, but it doesn’t look like I ever have to worry because God will move things around to get me right where He wants me to be. If I’m walking with Him closely every day, everywhere is a good place to be. On Saturday, my place was at the dump.
At first, I wasn’t going to go. I had tentative plans to do something else, which would’ve brought God glory, but it would’ve been some place else. At the last minute, those plans were changed, so I said, “Yes” to going to the dump. What a blessing!
At the dump, there were so many kids who wanted to play. I was helping out the team that was putting together a play-set, and before anything was bolted down, the kids started playing. They couldn’t even control themselves, nor did they want to. That’s how I want to be with God’s love: uncontrollable.
This one little girl grew attached to me. I would tell you her name, but I forgot to ask. In Spanish, she would ask me to play. In English, I would play with her. It was that simple, that pure…so much fun. She would get on the monkey bars (I think that’s what they’re called), but she wasn’t big enough to carry herself across, so I would hold onto her legs and walk under her until she reached the other side. She wanted to do this over and over again. She was so happy.
Then, she pulled me along to go down the slide with her. She was so precious, was having so much fun. Near the end, she saw the basketball hoop and the basketball. She wanted to make a basket so badly, so I would lift her up and hold her there while she threw the ball up. We must’ve attempted this like ten times. She never made a basket because I just couldn’t lift her high enough, but it didn’t matter. We both laughed together so much. Laughter breaks down barriers, demolishes walls, reveals strongholds. Laughter can speak louder than words.
I’m so glad I went to the dump, but more than that, I’m so glad that my heart is usable by God. His love for this little girl was so strong that He had me there to play with her. We were each there for a specific reason. I hope each person received a revelation of God’s love for them and for those they served. He’s so amazing! I’m just excited to live!!
Lately, God’s been showing me A LOT about relationships. Even this morning, I woke up in mid conversation with Him about people’s value and having them know it. It was such a comforting way to wake up that I fell right back to sleep in His Arms. The second time I woke up, I felt SO rested. It was insane!
I used to live my life a very different way…very different, and my idea of a relationship was absolutely bonkers. I won’t go into that twisted view. I’ll just share what relationships mean to me now.
Relationships grow through intimacy. I’ve recently learned what intimacy “really” means. When you learn depths of someone’s heart, that’s intimacy, so it’s really each individual’s choice of whether they want to let you in or not. I like letting people into my heart because there’s so much freedom in that, and as a result, many good relationships are being built.
I’ve learned to hang out with people who like me. I won’t be liked by everybody, and I’m done with trying to force my way in and waiting on God to “change” that other person. That never works out well. I’ve learned that the hard way. But when you’re friends with one another, lay your life down, encourage one another…that makes God smile.
God wants that intimacy too. There are things that I’ve learned from my time alone with God that I’ve tried in friendships that worked amazingly well, and there are things I’ve learned in my relationships with friends that I’ve tried in my alone time with God that worked amazingly well. He’s so personal, so loving. He wants us loved by one another in a good, healthy way.
My relationship with Him has never been stronger. Because of this, I will NOT let anyone close to me that may hurt me. God has taught me my created value, my worth, my beauty, and now, I get to teach others. I love lifting others up (like He has lifted me).
Worship Flags and Infinity Scarfs 