missing my son

“First Day Sadness”

| Laura Lee Bonde

[written 10/13/16]

yesterday
here’s what made me cry
about Nathan

an “Applebee’s” sign
thinking about dinner
seeing a 13yr old boy

the sign
on the side of the freeway
a place Nathan’d wanted to go
but we never went

in Sam’s Club
wondering what to make
realizing Nathan wouldn’t be
sitting at the table

in Target
seeing a teenage boy
wearing a mask
posing for snapchat

really?
is this
how it’ll be

as it gets better
will I cry less
will I harden?

thank God
for the women in AA
who heard my heart
and handed me tissue

“Moving Through Time”

| Laura Lee Bonde

[written 10/12/16]

there’re just some things
in this mommy heart
that can’t be avoided
and ‘i’m sorry’ seems to be
the only words that comfort
the only words that fit

I know
things’ll get better
I know
it’ll just take time
I know
it’ll be okay

tell me something
I don’t know
and maybe
just maybe
I’ll feel better

until then
I miss my son
and even after then
I’ll still miss him

I don’t have a title for this.

| Laura Lee Bonde

Today, I’m going to do something a little different.

Yesterday, during Nathan’s football practice, I walked around the school and talked on the phone with Kyle.

Man, I miss him, but even more so, I miss “us:” seeing his face; watching him smile; hearing him chuckle; going to the movies; etc. For the most part, during our conversation, I kept it together, only crying without him noticing, but when it came to saying goodbye, I lost it. Continue reading →