the unloved
just want to be loved
the unversed
just want to know
the unjust
just want things fair
the unknown
just want to be seen
the unwanted
just want to be needed
when you meet
the “uns”
just let life
of the opposite
flow
then the part of them
that wants
will receive
and break free
it’s a place that can be
hidden or wide
open
it feels every loss
and hopes for
every gain
it watches and waits
believing and
hoping
it sees what’s going
on and what
could be
it knows what’s in
the eyes and
movements
it can always find
the lies behind
the truth
it’s a safe place to feel
and even safer place
to know
it rises up and stands
when others feel
defeated
it cowers in the dark
when feeling
overwhelmed
it can speak through
tears and be seen
through joy
it protects
guides and
loves
it’s a mother’s
heart who’s
received
there’s a difference between
wanting to die
and
not wanting to live
I know
because I was there yesterday
oh how I want to write about it
but there’s an element of hiding
that can’t be seen
it’s not that I’m isolating
FROM any one
it’s that I’m isolating TO
the only One Who can help
but this process NEEDS
to be written
it just may need to be
the old-fashioned way
you used to know her
where is she?
I’ve looked and can’t find her
blurred vision
gasping for air
searching in the midst
the air is thick
the path is dark
have you seen her?
did she go this way?
it’s like she’s invisible
except in the mirror
staring back at me
what you go through
in those moments of despair
is a hopeless state of mind
drowning in fears
treading water
just to breathe
as you see the straws
float by
not realizing
that every tear
has a story
and every story
causes the water
to rise
but maybe in sinking
you’ll swim
if Jesus came back
would I be ready?
the answer’s “no”
I’m not living
the emotional freedom
that’s His reward
for dying on the cross
THAT’s where I’m determined to get
once again
whether I’m married
in Texas
apart from my children
etc
my path leads to THERE
no one can make me walk
no one can say ‘the right thing’
I have to believe
and live
and get there once again
then
and only then
will I be home
wherever I’m at
have you ever
looked up
the meaning?
drowning
grabbing anything
that floats
even straws
when feelings
have sex
with opinions
they conceive
advice
and birth
doubt
as I write
I feel
and as I feel
I write
not believing
what I feel
and not feeling
what I believe
even now
crying
not knowing where I am
not knowing where I’m going
I know there’s more
a deeper freedom residing
where I can be “me”
no matter who I’m around
that was the thing
to bring people joy
to change the atmosphere
and dream
but when every dream
becomes a nightmare
and every sleep
brings a disturbing dream
the problem lies in waking
not in sleeping
but there’s this Truth I know
woven into my heart
of being One with Him
and having hope
misery CAN’T be His plan
so I’ll fight where I stand
by letting Him lead
His way to goodness
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