poetry

“First Day Sadness”

| Laura Lee Bonde

[written 10/13/16]

yesterday
here’s what made me cry
about Nathan

an “Applebee’s” sign
thinking about dinner
seeing a 13yr old boy

the sign
on the side of the freeway
a place Nathan’d wanted to go
but we never went

in Sam’s Club
wondering what to make
realizing Nathan wouldn’t be
sitting at the table

in Target
seeing a teenage boy
wearing a mask
posing for snapchat

really?
is this
how it’ll be

as it gets better
will I cry less
will I harden?

thank God
for the women in AA
who heard my heart
and handed me tissue

“Moving Through Time”

| Laura Lee Bonde

[written 10/12/16]

there’re just some things
in this mommy heart
that can’t be avoided
and ‘i’m sorry’ seems to be
the only words that comfort
the only words that fit

I know
things’ll get better
I know
it’ll just take time
I know
it’ll be okay

tell me something
I don’t know
and maybe
just maybe
I’ll feel better

until then
I miss my son
and even after then
I’ll still miss him

“Do-Overs”

| Laura Lee Bonde

[written 10/9/16]

sometimes
I wonder
“if I’d done
EVERYTHING right
would things be
different?”

but then THAT
makes me wonder
“if I’d done
everything right
would I be
who I am?”

who I am
is pretty amazing
so trying to
change the past
seems
pointless

“Masked Hours”

| Laura Lee Bonde

just a moment to write a poem
about me
about him
the one who wears a mask
all the time
yet takes it off for others
or does he only wear a mask
when others are around

I used to be
one of those others
but now
I just don’t know

those who’ve heard my cries
no longer believe

in just one night
have I been made wrong?

“Weight to Share”

| Laura Lee Bonde

have you ever been
afraid
to voice what your tears
really mean?

who would like
my burdens?
I’m willing to share

realizing the value
of time
knowing the absence
of presence

the F in
different
the A in
absent
the I in
intent
the T in
trust
the H in
hope

as life changes
so do definitions

of marriage
of family
of yoke

some words’ve
expounded

oppression
parenting
writing

as I write
I work
through
the issues
in my mind

what started
in chaos
ends
in perfect
peace