“Sentence tbd”

let me try to explain
how I feel

I’m in a cell
a prison inside
to my right
a comfy bed

satan sheets
a pillow of depression
a blanket of isolation

it looks so comfy

to my left
a gated door
shut but unlocked
waiting for me to walk thru

yet I stand there

the only way
through the door
is to step
the only way to step
is to speak

yet my voice feels lost

every once in awhile
I glance at the bed

[written 6/4/16]

Jailbird

Yesterday, I wrote a poem called “Prison,” and there were a few interesting things that happened before, during, and after.

First of all, remember the stranger who sent me a dress? Well, we’ve become friends, and the very next day, I received TWO MORE! One of them was black and white, and when I tried it on, I found it to be so comfortable. At the time, because I was working on flags, I took it off, until right before bible study last night.

When I put it back on, I loved it even more…so comfortable. I began straightening up, in case anyone showed up; when, all of a sudden, a poem started within me, shot me like an arrow. I grabbed the computer and started to write it out. Everything I wrote I’ve either felt or was feeling. It was so powerful, but I wasn’t sure I was ready for Facebook friends to see it, so I decided to only post it on my website, but God stopped me in my tracks.

A woman I've never met sent me this dress.
A woman I’ve never met sent me this dress.

As I rolled my eyes, I posted it on Facebook, and within seconds, a couple people appreciated it (it was needed, so God knew what He was doing, as usual). I also received some private messages about it. I was humbled at how God used me and began to cry.

As I reread it, I cried some more, and then, I thought about the title God gave me. It was so spot on: the prison within, being behind bars without a cell, and in the midst of the tears, I looked down at my dress, thought of the old prison uniforms from TV, and began to laugh…black and white stripes. How awesome is God!!

Before yesterday, I didn’t own anything with black and white stripes, so the timing of the dress, the way this poem shot right through me like an arrow, the title of the poem were no coincidences. God orchestrates things perfectly, and if we follow suit, they all run smoothly.

I’M TEN YEARS SOBER TODAY!!!

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Over twenty years ago, a friend of mine tried to speak to me through a movie, but I couldn’t hear him. He took me to go see “When a Man Loves a Woman.” I assumed it was because this friend loved me. The movie was about a woman with a drinking problem. After the movie, we went to the liquor store to buy me a bottle of Tequila. I had no idea what he was trying to say, until years later. Continue reading

“When the Heart Won’t Talk”

there are times when the words seem locked in my heart
but I know I hold the keys to release them
so why don’t I

for most everything
I’m transparent
but there are things about parenting
I keep hidden

could it be because my mind sets on where I failed
could it be
I know that the person I was isn’t who I am now
so expressing this heart would only be healing

a mother’s heart
full of so much
overflowing with so much love that never runs out