Shadows

This morning, I couldn’t wait to dance with God at church!

While dancing, there was no fear about tomorrow’s appointment. There were very few thoughts of cancer whatsoever. Apart from that time, it’s been pretty constant.

It’s not constant in a way that I’m dreading it or anything. The thoughts are constant in the way they sporadically come on a regular basis.

Being scared has been sort of normal. And it doesn’t mean I’m not trusting God.

I have a lot to learn about my diet, this growth, the surgery plans, my energy, and unfortunately, I don’t believe it’ll all be answered tomorrow, so I’ll focus on what God answered today.

Today, as I was dancing, I saw the shadow of my flag on the floor. As I danced with the flag, the shadow moved. It felt like God was telling me that this cancer was but a shadow.

If I choose to give up, I’m sure the shadow would grow, but if I choose to fight, the shadow will move.

I’m a warrior, a queen.
I will not stop living, but I also will not stop writing how I feel.

The Light Switch

My writing may be a little dark for awhile because I feel like I’m in a dark place. That’s part of the reason why I haven’t been writing. The other part was I couldn’t find my laptop in the trailer, where my life just sits, waiting to enter in to this new life I’m living (if you want to call it “living”).

One thing’s for sure: writing helps me A LOT. It’s just…now…I’m not the only book on the shelf to be opened.